It’s 2015 and women are still being asked to prioritize children over work or work over children. In college, women hear from professors, family, and guest speakers time and time again about how to be successful in the workplace and steps to scoring an awesome job. Yet, undoubtedly, in every question and answer session a student asks, “How do you do it? How do you balance work and having a family? Do you find you don’t get to spend a lot of time with your kid(s)?” Yet it seems that college men don’t have this same experience. Instead, male guest lecturers talk about how to get hired, promoted, and advance to the top of a company.
So what exactly is to blame for women still struggling to find a balance, or even the fact that most women believe it’s their responsibility to find a balance?
The answer is one phrase: “traditional gender roles.” The first time a large number of American women (read: majority white, middle to upper class women) were encouraged to work outside the home was during World War II. Women took over jobs in factories, stores, and offices that were left vacant by the men serving in the war. Yet after the war ended, many of these women felt societal pressures to leave their jobs and return to working in the home full-time. However, over the next three decades, women fought against those societal pressures and expressed their desire to be accepted back into the public work sphere.
But you may ask, why had women (again, read: majority white, middle to upper class women) always been placed in the home and been the ones responsible for unpaid domestic work? The answer comes down to the most rudimentary gender role imposed on women: the belief that since women are biologically born as the only sex who can become pregnant and give birth, they should therefore be the primary caretakers of society. Child bearing and rearing are vital to society and a population’s existence, so great responsibility and expectations are put on women.
Over time, society has come to accept women’s desires to work and have a career; however, working mothers are still constantly criticized for devoting time and motivation to their careers and for not spending enough time with their children. In return, mothers feel conflicted and struggle to achieve the ideal balance between both work and family life domains.
In her memoir Yes Please, Amy Poehler reflects on the constant struggle she faces to balance her work and her home life. She explains the challenges of being a working mom and also suggests steps working moms can take to help relieve some of the stress of trying to balance the two divisions. Amy gives light to the overwhelming majority of American companies and organizations that don’t have policies and benefits in place to encourage women to have a successful career and a family, if they so desire. She adds her comedic voice to the issue of balancing work and family by saying:
“There is an unspoken pact that women are supposed to follow. I am supposed to act like I constantly feel guilty about being away from my kids. (I don’t. I love my job.) Mothers who stay at home are supposed to pretend they are bored and wish they were doing more corporate things. (They don’t. They love their job.)”
So with all of these pressures to be successful and equally committed to both divisions of life, how do working mothers find a balance? Amy says “every mother needs a wife” and strong support system. Employers can also do their part by working to reform the labor force and implement policies that encourage family-friendly environments so workers are less stressed and conflicted and can therefore be more efficient at work.
- Allow parents to make personal calls home to check in with their children after school
- Allow parents to bring their children to work when there is a snow day or school cancellation so parents don’t have to take an unpaid day or find a last minute sitter
- Provide the option for flex time and working parents to decide their hours with the opportunity for working from home
- Better yet, companies could provide in-business daycare services for employees
Working mothers are constantly criticized for “wanting to have it all.” It is unfair for working mothers to have to fill the gaps left by employers on their own and workplace policies should be put into effect to compensate for workers with children. Yet in order for reform in the workplace and better rights for working women, first negative stereotypes about working mothers must be overcome. As a society we must encourage and support working mothers, and this begins with leaving traditional gender roles at the door.