Sure, you could start off this Saturday with sugar cookies trimmed with pink icing and doily-laced Valentines, finish it up with a big date with red roses and a restaurant… But we both know what Janis would have to say about those plans:
That’s the farthest thing from her mind when February 14th comes around.
If she’s doing any Valentine’s Day card writing at all, she will probably rhyme “roses are red” with “your mom’s chest hair!”
This day won’t mean anything for her.
She won’t buy flowers or expect any big gifts.
Any chocolate bestowed upon her will be consumed ironically (because food is still food, even if it’s shaped in little hearts).
She won’t rush out to buy tickets to see Fifty Shades of Grey. Although in some aspects, it may still be considered a typical slasher flick.
She won’t wear pink, ever.
She will speed walk away if she’s within earshot of any public serenades.
And she will get all kinds of pissed, if you try to serenade her today.
She won’t be having any of that.
Don’t try to make her celebrate this day with you. She will not like you for this.
But as soon as this day passes, she will let out a sigh of relief, and appreciate all of her friends the way she usually does.
She will use the people around her for inspiration, to make beautiful, beautiful art.
And she’ll totally toss out a sincere compliment, especially when she sees you need it.
Yeah, she and her boii Kevin G, are still going strong, and all her friends know her to be pretty affectionate overall.
Kevin just better not try anything on Valentine’s Day.
That cheesy romantic stuff would never fly with Janis Ian.