Ask Her is Her Campus American’s first ever advice column and we are so incredibly excited to launch the pilot article. If you would like to receive advice from our advice columnist, please submit a response here!
Dear Her: Over winter break, I had a fight with a long time friend about her lying about her location. We talked it out and everything seemed fine but ever since we’ve gone back to our separate schools, she’s been dodging all my phone calls and texts. When I finally got her on the phone last week, she sounded annoyed to have to be talking to me and when I asked her if we were okay, she said yes in a very insincere way. I’m over the fight and all that and I would like to move forward and not have this weird tension. I don’t want to lose her as a friend as we have been great friends for so long and this is our first major fight really, but if she does text or snap me, I feel extremely anxious as I think that this is the text where she says she doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore. It had been causing me a lot of pain on top of all of my schoolwork. What do I do? Sincerely, Fighting Friends.
Dear Fighting Friends: Long time friends even best friends are people who genuinely know us. They’ve seen us heartbroken, cry, grow, and mature and sure enough we are lucky to have them around. For the friend out there wondering if their friend is mad, if you are questioning it, you already have the answer. Just as they know us, we know them. But hey friendship can be difficult with all relationships, we all come with our own baggage. If the fight is about her secrets, and she has become distant, allow her the space to hash it out and figure out what’s going on and why she felt the need to lie to you.
When people know us too well, as most best friend do, doing things that require lying usually lead to avoiding disappointment. Best friends know you so well that instead of hurting you or disappointing you, they would rather lie. Why lie? It’s easier to tell each other what you think they want to hear because it is something you know in your heart they won’t approve of. Once she’s done that and you feel like you’ve given her enough space, she will want come back. Also know that just as you are busy at school, she must also be busy… school, work, friends, etc. We are all going through things. Take it day by day. Let her know you are there for her. Try and send some cute pics of you guys to let her know that you miss her and want her to come to you when she’s ready. Life is a process, and college is definitely the a difficult process. I’m sure you miss her, and she misses you, after all, distance makes the heart grow fonder and I truly believe that.
Hope everything turns out beautifully, it sounds like you are a good friend.
HCXO,
Her
Dear Dating Dilemmas: The dating world is full of slippy slopes. It’s is full of heart break, happiness, but it is essentially what you make of it. Speaking from experience, dating apps attract a certain crowd. I wouldn’t recommend them (this is just my experience speaking) because they aren’t necessarily built for the long term if you get what I am saying. It’s more sex and hookups based (as it is our current culture). Though dating apps can help get yourself out there, heighten self esteem, and help you find what you like, it can also be heartbreaking in the end. Meeting your person can be a luck of the draw: at a party, in class, at a coffee shop, anywhere. The key is to not force it but let it happen naturally and never doubt yourself. The right person is out there.
Go out, explore museums, local coffee shops, bars/clubs, you may run into your soulmate when reaching for the same last copy of your favorite series and automatically hit it off. To be honest, no one is ever truly prepared to the fullest when they feel ready to be in a relationship. Relationships are A LOT of work. So before jumping into the sea of many fishes, make sure you are mentally, physically, and emotionally capable to share yourself with someone. Make sure that you are independent enough and strong enough to know who you are and make sure that’s the person your significant other knows. Never lower yours standards or change who you are. But mostly, dating is a lot of fun, and this is the time of your life, there will be make lucky people coming in and out of your life and no matter what anyone else says, BE PICKY. The ones that show effort and care will the ones that stick. Don’t be ready to settle. You will find your person, they are out there looking for you too.
HCXO,
Her
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