So what do you know about the female orgasm? Last night, the American University Student Government Women’s Initiative brought the I Love Female Orgasm program to campus as it does every year. Speakers Marshall Miller and Kate Weinberg talked to us about everything we thought we knew about sexual pleasure for anyone who identifies as female. In an all-inclusive program, the two dove into the conversation with absolutely no filters – I mean, really, there shouldn’t be any in the first place.
A lot of the time, what we’ve been taught in middle school and high school is how to say “no” to sex. Which is so important, because consent is a must. But what happens when we want to say yes? Marshall and Kate gave us a few tips on approaching female sexuality in a healthy way, and on making sex pleasurable for everyone involved!
1. Befriend your vulva
Get to know what’s going on down there! We’ve all heard about the old mirror trick, so what are you waiting for?
If we really wanted to, we could ignore what’s between our legs our entire life. Why do you think all those great euphemisms for vagina were created? My personal favorite: front-bottom. Apparently talking about our bottoms is a little less offensive than talking about vaginas.
2. Touch yourself, by yourself
No it’s not evil, no it can’t make you go blind and no, it’s certainly not an activity reserved for the boys. Challenging some of these myths on female masturbation during the program, Kate and Marshall emphasized sex with yourself as one of the most important parts of understanding your sexuality and your orgasm.
Touching yourself can be an important step in exploring your sexuality. And the best way to do it is without anyone else there to detract or distract from your experience. Focus on you to find out what you like!
3. Touch yourself experimentally, with no goal
How are you supposed to know what makes you feel good, if you’ve never experimented? With no goal in mind, spend your next rainy Sunday afternoon finding out!
4. Try good vibrations
Did you know that only 30 percent of people with vaginas report having orgasms from penetration alone? Tongues and fingers seem to be effective stimulators for female orgasms, but tongues and fingers can only work so hard. That’s where vibrations come in. Now, these don’t necessarily have to come from ‘vibrators’ intended for sexual pleasure. As we learned at #ILoveFemaleOrgasm, they can come from a whole range of devices. Like the Nimbus 2000 below:
This vibrating broom was sold on Amazon for far longer than Amazon would care to admit. Naturally, many parents were up in arms about it. But according to the comments, the kids had a blast.
5. Have a conversation
Really, this should be #1 on anyone’s to-do list when participating in sexual activities with someone else. Open channels of communication allow for healthy, pleasurable and most importantly, consensual sexual encounters. Kate and Marshall touched on the need for communication throughout the program, particularly if you or your partner is trans*. If you are with a trans* partner, asking for an introduction to their external genitalia is important, because it’s hard to be sexually aroused when someone keeps misnaming your parts.
Bottom line is; communicate with each other about the ways you like to be aroused. Ask questions and create a safe space in which everyone can feel comfortable about themselves. People have better sex if they feel good about who they are!
Ultimately, it’s your body and you have a right to know it, understand it and feel good in it. That’s what loving the female orgasm is all about, learning to love and de-stigmatize sexual pleasure for people who identify as female.