We’re all guilty of questioning our self-worth, appearance, and the relationships in our lives. We want reassurance. What does she think of my hair? Or my nails? Or my shoes? Does she or he like me back? Why isn’t she or he texting back?! The five questions below are the most common ways we restore our confidence, but also the way we negatively bring every flaw and insecurity we have to the surface.
1. Do I look fat in this?
I can’t name how many times a day it comes up in conversation. We all have that one friend who constantly asks if she looks fat (probably seeking validation from a lack of confidence), and the response is almost always “No!” “Shut up!!” or even “Just stop.” I wish there was a way to show people how they look from everyone else’s perspective, because it’s so different than how they think they look. Asking yourself this question is self-degrading, frustrating to others and all around self-destructive. Instead of looking at yourself and making your mirror out to appear like a funhouse attraction, look honestly and say: “Damnnn, I’m sexy.”
2. Is that weird?
What is weird? I honestly couldn’t tell you. Everyone has a different opinion of what “weird” is. What may seem weird to you, may seem completely normal to another. In lieu of this article, I just texted the first 10 people I saw in my phone “What’s something you do that you think is weird?” These were some of my responses:
· I curse a lot.
· I drink milk when I can’t sleep.
· I pronounce éclair, E-clare.
· I show people how comfortable I am/how much I like them through sass.
· I use words like “word up” and “dope”.
· I can’t stop talking.
· I obsessively clean my ears with q-tips.
· I like walking around in my underwear.
· I squint my eyes when I zone out.
· I like eating the end of the bread loaf.
I have to admit some of these things I would consider unique, but cursing a lot? And come on, everyone likes walking around in their underwear every once in a while. It’s pointless to ask these questions because it’s totally subjective. If you think it’s weird then don’t do it and if not, go for it. Do what makes you happy. Do you, girl.
3. Do you still love me?
If you feel the need to ask this question, you really should rethink the situation you’re in. If someone was falling out of love with you, you wouldn’t have to ask, you would know. Everyone likes to hear, “Of course I do, I love you more than anything!” I understand that. But it’s disappointing to the person you’re asking because they may feel that they’re not doing a good enough job making you feel loved if you feel the need to ask. Think before you speak. He or she loves you. And if they don’t, screw ‘em.
4. Do I need to wear make-up?
You don’t need to wear make-up. You never need to wear make-up. You’re beautiful the way you are! So what if you have acne or scars? Everyone has imperfections; they’re what make you different from the crowd. Impressing people is part of life: make-up doesn’t need to be part of it. Sure, wearing make-up makes you feel better about yourself sometimes, but if you are scared of people seeing the real you, don’t be. Your real friends like you.
5. Is she prettier than me?
Uh-oh. Your ex just updated his or her profile picture to one with his new girlfriend. Your first thought: is she prettier than me?
Comparing yourself to others is the worst thing that you can do to your self-esteem. There will always be someone prettier, skinnier or taller than you and there’s nothing you can do about it. But who cares? Who cares if someone is prettier, or skinnier or taller? You are a unique individual. You can find happiness below the first layer of vanity and most importantly, you don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else no matter how hard it is not to.