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For months now

It’s felt like the clock has been moving at twice the speed

And I’ve only moved at half the pace

Days go by

I remain unchanged

Unsure about how to navigate uncertainties and anxieties

Directionless

I wake up every morning and relive the same day

It’s a cruel game that I don’t know how to win

Do I continue living for the sake of other people’s expectations

Because it’s easier to comply and avoid the harder conversations

Of what I really need

I’ve always been a people pleaser

I get it from my mother

It’s a survival mechanism

By saying “yes” all the time

You never have to reap the consequences of a stranger’s disappointment

So I sit here

Giving my energy to everyone but myself

And I wonder if I will ever wake up from this twisted dream

Not necessarily a nightmare 

But shit’s not sweet.

Raina is a college senior studying Psych and Music at SUNY Albany. She is originally from Queens and her biggest creative inspirations come from daily life in the city. Feel free to contact her at [email protected]
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