For months now
It’s felt like the clock has been moving at twice the speed
And I’ve only moved at half the pace
Days go by
I remain unchanged
Unsure about how to navigate uncertainties and anxieties
Directionless
I wake up every morning and relive the same day
It’s a cruel game that I don’t know how to win
Do I continue living for the sake of other people’s expectations
Because it’s easier to comply and avoid the harder conversations
Of what I really need
I’ve always been a people pleaser
I get it from my mother
It’s a survival mechanism
By saying “yes” all the time
You never have to reap the consequences of a stranger’s disappointment
So I sit here
Giving my energy to everyone but myself
And I wonder if I will ever wake up from this twisted dream
Not necessarily a nightmare
But shit’s not sweet.