As a child, I always had my adult years planned out: married by 25 (ha!), two children, well into my career with a nice sized house. The older I became, the more I began to cope with the realization that not only were my expectations not going to happen within the timeframe I predicted, but that it also may not be the life I want for myself anytime soon. Once I began dating and entered the seemingly never-ending cycle coined as the “talking phase,” the predictions I made for myself were met with experiences that tore them down almost immediately.
I’ve always admired teenage relationships in movies – going on cute dates, late night phone conversations, even up to meeting the unamused parents who didn’t think anyone was good enough for their child. It was both enticing and appealing; an innocent entrance into the complicated world of love. Unfortunately for me, the actions that I admired so dearly were confined to the scenes I watched on TV screens, and I never experienced anything close to what I expected.
I, along with many women, have found myself settling. This has taken form in many ways throughout my dating years – from dealing with the nonchalant attitudes from men who wanted me but didn’t want a title, to those who did the bare minimum despite me knowing that I deserved much more. Although non-apparent from the outside, the lack of sincere devotion and substance during my time with these “men” began to take a toll on me. There were periods of time where I questioned my worth rather than questioning the unworthy men who I became acquainted with. They didn’t deserve me, and I didn’t deserve the stress that came along with their actions.
I eventually decided to conclude my unsuccessful relationship trials and allowed myself to enjoy the rest of my college career without worrying about dating, which turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made in a while. I was free from judgement, free from unmet expectations, and free of second guessing myself. I began to center my focus on myself rather than someone else.
While learning to appreciate and enjoy being single, I found that I’m worth way more than how I was made to feel. My presence is in fact a present, and I’ve found people who have embraced me without being romantically involved. I’ve had time to make observations not only about myself, but about others: their mannerisms, the reasons behind why they do what they do, and the answer to why I may have been out of tune with my love life.
Our generation has seemingly succumbed to the technological era, and it is apparent when viewing it in relation to dating. I am not a big fan of this, nor do I think I will ever be. Gone are the days where men would interact with ladies in person – everything is done via social media or through a friend. A formal request for a date has been replaced with “sliding in DM’s”, and actual dates have been replaced with the unequivocal request to chill and “watch a movie” – which would normally be fine, if not for the hidden agenda that comes along with the request more times than not.
Rather than put myself through the guessing game of figuring out the intentions that go behind the messages, I’ve taken great pride in doing my own thing. I would advise it to anyone who is (or was) in a similar position as myself. It’s a great thing to be confident, and even greater when your confidence exudes through your interactions with people.
Ladies, be yourself and wait for no man. Love yourself, love your life, and allow everything to fall into place. It’s working for me, and I know it’ll work for you too.