“You don’t have to apologize. It’s a f*cked up female habit.”- Blake Lively as Emily Nelson in A Simple Favor
One time in ninth grade, I leaned back and hit my hand against something, and said, “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.”
I had just apologized to a pillar in the middle of the classroom. Apologizing was ingrained in me. While it is polite to apologize when you accidentally bump into someone, it is ridiculous to apologize for every little thing. I apologize for interjecting my ideas into a conversation, taking food in my own home, or for others getting stuck in traffic.
The thing is you don’t need to apologize for every little thing. Over-apologizing ruins the weight of an apology and makes it meaningless. Apologizing all the time becomes very annoying and is not good for your self-esteem. Let’s stop apologizing for things that we just don’t need to.
You need to stop apologizing for “bothering” someone.
You are not supposed to have the layout of a store memorized, and you do not need to apologize for asking a simple question. So just ask the sales associate where the dressing room is, not “sorry where are the dressing rooms?”. You do not need to apologize for “bothering” your boss about something at work when it is their job to address your concerns. A simple “Oh, excuse me?” will do just fine.
You need to stop apologizing for saying no or changing your mind.
You are a college student; you have to study at some point and sometimes that means when all your friends are having fun. There is no reason to say sorry for wanting to understand organic chemistry. “Oh, I really wish I could go out with you tonight, but I just have so much homework, I am so sorry!” NO! Even if you said that you’d be at Innisfree tonight, and then remembered you had an essay due at 11:59pm, you still don’t need to apologize or degrade yourself. Sending a text like, “Sorry, I’m such an idiot, I forgot about this essay” is not necessary.
Side note: Please do not go out in the middle of a pandemic. Be safe and stay home. If you do go out, wear a mask.
You need to stop apologizing for taking your time.
You have other things in your life besides your emails and voicemails. If your response is, “I am so sorry it took me so long to get back to you” to an email that was sent 2 hours ago, you need to stop. Traffic, long lines and delays are not your fault, so don’t apologize for them.
You need to stop apologizing for things out of your control.
I am so guilty of the phrase “I’m sorry” when someone tells me their troubles. I often don’t know what else to say and resort to apologizing for something that isn’t my fault. I used to hate it when I would say sorry when someone was lamenting to me, and their response was “it’s not your fault.” Yes, I know it’s not my fault, but I just want to empathize with you. My friends were right, I didn’t need to apologize. They just needed someone to hear them out.
You need to stop apologizing for your appearance/feelings/YOU.
You should never have to apologize for being yourself. Play your favorite album loudly and without care. Do not shrink yourself and stop being you to make others feel more comfortable. Screw that. Sometimes you have a bad hair day or didn’t have enough time to look like a supermodel- it’s okay and there is no need to apologize.
Ask yourself, “Why am I apologizing?” If the answer can’t be easily justified, don’t say it. You can be kind and empathetic without having to say sorry.