There has been a somewhat recent phenomenon with straight women attending local gay bars, largely due to the popularity of the television show Rupaul’s Drag Race. This usually isn’t a problem, but it can add tension to a safe-space when people don’t show those in it the proper respect. This has created a new discussion within the LGBTQ+ community: how much of this space is ours, and how much should we share it? Bars cannot start banning people from coming in, but gay bars were created as a sanctuary for people otherwise constrained by the rest of society. Should the LGBTQ+ community open them up to the same society that has continued to oppress them?
Gay bars have historically been seen as “underground” nightlife. Few people visited these bars unless they were part of the LGBTQ+ community, or at least an extremely close ally. Recently, however, straight people (usually women) have started making appearances in this space. There is often no problem– I mean you can’t know someone’s sexuality by appearance alone, so how would you notice? However, there have been situations where people, who do not understand the history and community of a local gay bar, walk in and act like they own the space. Many straight people come for the awe-factor, staring at same-sex couples and drag queens like animals in a zoo. Some think that, simply because its a gay bar, they do not have to show the staff and patrons as much respect as any other bar, and they attempt to jump on the stage during Drag Shows (uninvited) or dance on the bar. While sometimes, people new to LGBTQ+ culture may simply be unaware of drag etiquette, such as tipping or excessive shouting. Whatever the outcome, many straight people who come to a gay bar for an “exotic” and “avant-garde” night out just do not show the community the same respect expected in a traditional straight bar.
However, there is another aspect to this new phenomenon that many gay bar regulars may not realize. In the same way that gay bars are a safe-space for the LGBTQ+ community, women often feel much more comfortable in a gay bar than a straight bar or club. It is rare that a woman can exist in a traditionally straight bar without being hit on, harassed, or groped. For a woman, going to a bar is not an opportunity to let loose. We have to constantly stay with our drinks, keep up with our friends, watch out for anyone following us around, and countless other situations. I personally refuse to go to any straight clubs and most straight bars. I don’t feel safe, and I just can’t have fun. However, at a gay bar, I myself have never been harassed or hit on in a disrespectful way. Many of the men are not interested in hitting on women, and those in the community that may hit on you are often time much more respectful about it. I can relax, dance, and have fun with everyone without worrying if the man standing next to me will follow me out to my car. Sometimes, women just want to have fun like anyone else, and I believe that many straight women who may not have attended a gay bar before have found it as a sanctuary, as well.
Acknowledging both sides, I believe that we can all come to an agreement. If the gay community is willing to open their space up to women who feel more safe and accepted in a gay bar, these women should do a better job at respecting this space. Do not treat the LGBTQ+ community as a freak show, and show everyone around you the same respect as you would anywhere else. Tip your drag queens and bartenders, and don’t jump on stage during someone else’s performance–it’s just rude. Also, call out your friends if you see them exhibiting this type of behavior. If straight women are being kind and respectful, gay bars should acknowledge the alternative for women and welcome them. Gay bars are about safety and inclusiveness, and that should apply to everyone.
** Notice: Just because you are in a gay bar does not always mean it is automatically safe. Anyone can do anything, and I do not condone leaving a drink unattended or leaving alone with someone simply because of the type of bar, etc. Always use caution and your best judgement.