Maybe this article finds you in a position where you feel the same way, or maybe this article finds you in a spot where you have all of your siblings. Maybe, this article finds you in a spot where you just lost a sibling as well. The truth is, this article is some inside on what I have found to be true after losing a sibling, especially during your college years.
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The initial shock: September 13, 2018, I was on my way to take my first test of the semester. I was in a great space, I studied hard, and I was ready. My mom called me around 10:30 and told me that my brother was missing. Honestly, my brother was a jokester, so I assumed that he was just playing a joke or ignoring everyone. Around 12 noon, my eldest brother called and informed me that our brother passed away. Now, the initial shock is the crazy part. It is like you are hearing that your sibling is dead, you really are not processing it. How is it that someone I spent 21 years of my life with, just died. If I would have known that this was the start of some horrible days, I would have loved to stay in the initial shock.
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The funeral: During these times, for a week, you are surrounded by family and friends. People are bringing food, coming over to pray, and just being there for you. Now, during this process, it will be a lot of things going on and you will have a lot of emotions. Although I was physically here with my family, my mind was somewhere else. I would literally sit and look at pictures and videos of my brother. Nights were hard, my mother would wake up every night sobbing through the house, and that by far was the worst thing I ever had to experience. The day of the viewing was so hard for me. My brother and I use to clown each other all the time, so to see him there lifeless, tore me to the core. Not only that, he changed colors, and that beautiful smile that I loved was not on his face. I was sitting there, the slideshow was playing, all I could see was what use to be and think about how much my life is about to change. I looked to my left and I saw my brother trying to be strong for both of us. On my right, my mom and dad were just falling apart. The day of the actual funeral, I can not tell you how I felt, or how my emotions were running because I honestly blanked out.
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After the Funeral: It has been almost two months since the day of the funeral and the full grieving process is in force. These days, I go through a bunch of emotions. Each day, I wake up and remember that he is gone and I feel a lump in my throat. Some days, I do not want to get out of the bed, and some days, I want to push through the day. These are the times when people have faded away, the calls are not there anymore, the text has stopped, the pop-ups are gone. Now, it is just you and your family. These times are the hardest times. I made a Facebook post saying that “ After the funeral, those are the toughest times”. Although I am still hurting and I am still in my grieving process, I can use what insight I have to help the next grieving person through. So, if you need to reach out to someone my mail is: ajwordlow@crimson.ua.edu , I know this is something no one wants to go through alone.