Engagements are a definite part of college life. Between the winter holidays and the warm spring months, countless of collegiettes are or will be sporting new hardware on their left hands. While people across the country are waiting longer to tie the knot, the South continues the age-old tradition of couples marrying in or right out of college.
Another demographic that has a stereotype of encouraging young marriages is the military. According to a National Health Statistics Report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the average age for individuals getting married for the first time is 25.8 for women and 28.3 for men. However, the average age for military personnel marrying is one year less than their civilian counterparts.
Elizabeth Abernathy, a student at UA, learned of early military marriages after her sister became engaged to a West Point cadet at the age of 21.
“Kathryn and John only dated for about six months before they got engaged,” Elizabeth says. “Which is even more surprising because he was going to West Point while she was at UAB, so they only saw each other when he could come visit.”
Elizabeth says her parents did think her sister and her fiancé were too young to be getting married. But, they changed their mind after realizing her fiancé was mature for his age and that their engagement would be one year long.
“My mom says they marry younger because the military forces them to ‘grow up fast’ and I think that may be true in part,” Elizabeth says. “A lot of them enlist rather than going to college right away, so it’s kind of like they skipped those years and already have a job and responsibilities.”
Elizabeth adds another reason she feels military men, in particular, chose to propose early on, is due to relocations and limited opportunities to meet new people.
“They also move frequently, which I think makes some of them rush into an engagement because if they don’t marry the girl, there’s a really good chance they’ll just break up and never see each other again,” she says. “It’s also not like they’re meeting girls at work, like a lot of people. There are much fewer women in the military, and I think those who are may shy away from dating because they’re trying to prove themselves, you know.”
For collegiette Amanda Sams, her recent engagement to a Second Lieutenant in the U.S. Army and recent graduate of West Point was not based off his future in the military.
“We had been dating for more than two years when he proposed, and we will have been together nearly three and a half years by the time that we get married,” Amanda says. “I was not at all surprised that he proposed to me during my senior year of college, because we have been together for a good while, and the plan has always been to get married eventually.”
Amanda, who will be graduating in May, says the timing of the proposal and wedding were perfect and still allow them to each pursue their dream jobs. She agrees, however that some military couples do get married young so they can move together to different posts every few years.
“I think that becoming engaged at a ‘relatively young age’ is really all about perspective,” she says. “In my experience, when most people reference ‘young marriages’ or young military marriages, they are talking about people who get engaged or married fresh out of high school at age 17 or 18 and choose not to pursue higher education. My fiancé and I are both 22, and he will be 23 when we get married and I will be one month shy of my 23rd birthday.”
However, Amanda says she doesn’t feel her age to be an extremely young, considering she and her fiancé are born in the South. She acknowledges that while they are younger than the national average, they would have married at this time regardless of the military.
“I know many of Luke’s (her fiancé) classmates dated their girlfriends all through their time at the Academy, so their relationships have already made it a minimum of four years, pre-marriage, upon graduation, because cadets cannot get married or have any dependents while attending West Point,” she says. “Thus, you do see many marriages on Graduation Day at West Point, but like I said, that does not necessarily mean they are jumping into anything. These couples are extremely committed to one another and get engaged and married at the right time for them, from what I have seen.”
Amanda empathizes she doesn’t think any of the couples married solely because one was in the military, and that dating and marriage within the military community comes with its own set of obstacles, different from those of average couples.
“Some of the best advice that I have been given was from an older military wife who told me that you just can’t sweat the small stuff, because the Army can throw a wrench in your best-laid plans at the drop of a hat,” she says. “Even while planning our wedding, we have to be sure to fill out a military addendum to the contract stating that part of our money will be refunded and the date re-scheduled for us in the event that he has orders that will prevent him from attending our wedding. And yes, I do know couples who have had to move their wedding due to deployment.”
Regardless of the obstacles and age factors, both Elizabeth and Amanda believe young marriages in the military can work for certain couples.
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