For the past five years, I identified strictly as an agnostic, as someone who wasn’t sure what she believed in but wasn’t willing to try and figure it out either. I didn’t confirm or deny the existence of a higher power. If you had told me a year ago, or even last semester, that I would be going to church again and enjoy it, I would never have believed you. The truth is, I was taught my whole life to believe in God and Christianity, but I never had the opportunity to really figure out if I believed or not.
In high school, I wasn’t given many opportunities to get involved in the church, and to be honest, I had no interest in it. But deep down, there was always a little voice asking me, “What if?” About two weeks ago, I was invited to go to church with two of my closest friends, and after mulling it over, I agreed. I’ll admit, I was very apprehensive. As I walked in the doors, I felt my anxiety rising. What if I don’t belong here? What if I made the wrong decision to come today? And as the “what if’s” began to overtake my mind, the service started and a strange sense of peace and relaxation came over me.
I left that day feeling a lot different about my spiritual journey. I was excited to go back to church the next week as soon as the service was over. I’m not going to say that one single service converted me into a devout Christian, but it certainly enlightened me to a new side of faith that could benefit my life greatly. It also made me want to try again with faith and religion; all of my “what if’s” that had lingered in my mind for five years were finally starting to be answered.
Faith is a very complicated thing for me, and probably for some of you, too. If you are struggling with your faith, if you’re unsure or apprehensive or just plain confused, my advice is this: It can’t hurt to try. If you feel deep down inside of you that you want to try going to church, go to church. There are so many great communities that will accept you and all of your “what if’s” with open arms and open hearts, ready to help you along your spiritual journey.