Now that we have survived Halloween and Thanksgiving, the holidays keep rolling in with Christmas and even the New Year on its way. This is a major time when families come together, but many people seem to forget that not all families are perfect. There are arguments and disputes between each other along with differences in personal beliefs and attitudes on certain topics. It may sound a tad dysfunctional, but this is a normal part of many family dynamics! However, there is another major factor that comes into play for many people during the holidays.
Being a part of the LGBT community can be scary and sometimes even difficult, especially during this time of the year. While some people may have loving family and friends that are very accepting of who they are, how they express themselves, and how they identify, for others it can be quite complicated. Things can get even more complicated when a significant other or loved one is being brought home. It seems as if there’s a “Holiday Etiquette” magazine put out for the whole community to read before heading to mom and dad’s house. Whether you are already out of the closet or in a situation where you can’t reveal, this can be a particularly stressful event for you and possibly for your significant other as well.
Feelings of frustration usually have to be hidden behind a smile. When you see your brother having his girlfriend welcomed into the home, or having to introduce your significant other as your “friend” it’s as if your own happiness is being sacrificed. The simple reality of being back with family that tolerates you rather than accepts you for who you are can also be disappointing. Dr. Gregory Jones from the Washington Blade states, “When you have trouble with family accepting you and understanding your lifestyle, it is stressful bringing someone back into that environment, how they’re going to treat that person, and how they are going to treat you together.”
Bringing your partner around family for the first time can result in any number of possible outcomes. Whether good or bad, here are some ways to be prepared for such events:
1. Make sure both you and your partner are on the same page
Whether your partner is also out or not, it is important to discuss in advance what will make the both of you most comfortable in this situation. Setting boundaries on PDA is a must depending on your family’s attitudes. This includes where you will sleep, as well (whether together or in different rooms). Addressing potentially risky conversations is also important so that you both will know how to navigate around interacting with certain family members.
2. Ready yourself for potential disputes ahead of time
People catch on quickly or just simply struggle with approving LGBT relationships. If your family knows and is still coming to terms with you and your relationship, then you need to come up with ways of talking to them calmly. Being an advocate for the LGBT community as well as standing your ground for your relationship is vital. This may be the family you were given, but readying yourself for some judgment and perfectionism will definitely help.
3. Don’t take on more than you can handle
Remember that the holidays are temporary. If you or your partner is unsafe or uncomfortable, make sure to prepare other arrangements such as contacting other loved ones or even staying somewhere else. There’s enough stress on your plate! Your wellbeing and mental health comes first.
4. Remember who YOU are
Love is love! Stay true to yourself and your partner. Everyone deserves to be a part of something happy. Try to focus on the positives of your situation. If that is also a challenge, just make sure to take care of yourself, celebrate your love, and enjoy the holidays.