Did you know that the week after Valentine’s Day is Aromantic Spectrum Awareness week? And how much do you know about aromantic identities? This post aims to be a basic 101 to aromanticism, written by an aromantic spectrum author.
Here are some basic terms to get you started:
Romantic attraction: desiring a romantic relationship with a specific person (e.g. crushes)
Aromantic (aro): someone who does not experience romantic attraction
Alloromantic: someone who does experience romantic attraction
Grey-romantic: someone who rarely experiences romantic attraction; sort of in-between aromantic and alloromantic
Demiromantic: someone who experiences romantic attraction after a deep connection has been established
Asexual (ace): someone who does not experience sexual attraction
Allosexual: someone who does experience sexual attraction
1. Aromantic =/= Asexual
If you’re going to understand the aromantic spectrum, you first need to realize that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are different things. Someone can experience sexual attraction and not romantic attraction (allosexual and aromantic, for instance). Someone cannot experience sexual attraction but may still experience romantic attraction (asexual and alloromantic). While there is a lot of overlap between the aromantic and asexual communities, the identities are not the same thing.
2. Orientation =/= Behavior
I’ve often seen “aromantic” equated to “someone who doesn’t date,” which isn’t true. I know aromantic people who do date, although they aren’t romantically attracted to their partners. And while I’m grey-romantic and have occasionally experienced romantic attraction, I don’t date. Behavior is not determined by romantic identity, and there’s a wide range of diversity within the aromantic community. Basically, this comes down to not making assumptions about people!
3. Romance =/= Humanity
Aromantic people are no less human than anyone else, but I see this sentiment all the time. “Love is what makes us human,” usually with the implication being that it’s romantic love we’re talking about. Or in order to show how evil and cold a villain is, the author will have them not experience romantic love. Or aromantic people will be called robots, unfeeling, ect. None of this is true! Aromantic people can experience love just as deeply as alloromantic people, it just won’t be romantic in nature.
4. Romantic love is not more important than platonic love
“More than friends.” Do you know how many times I’ve seen this phrase? So many. I’ve even caught myself thinking it before. But this phrase and others like it imply that there is something greater and better about romantic love, when friendships can be equally deep, intense and important. While this misconception may have a unique effect on aro people, it hurts everyone to pin all importance on romantic relationships and undervalue the friends in our lives.
Other resources:
“Aromantic 101 with Claudie Arsenault”
“Sexual Attraction vs. Romantic Attraction: Here’s the Subtle Difference Between Them”
Thumbnail image via Sharon McCutcheon/Unsplash