When people find out you’re gay, one of the first things they want to know is your coming out story. What many fail to realize is that being a queer girl myself, I have thousands of coming out stories. Besides coming out to my family and friends, I’ve come out to teachers, those who follow me on social media, and drunk boys at parties. It’s a never-ending process. I will never stop coming out. Every time I meet someone new I have to come out to them. Because unfortunately in society today, you’re straight until you’re proven not.
Being queer now is a lot less quiet now that I’m in a relationship. I always joke that I don’t look gay, meaning that I don’t fit the typical gay stereotypes. I don’t have a super short haircut and I own about two flannels. So I can usually fly under the radar as a straight girl. That’s not to say that that’s what I am trying to do. Being publicly affectionate with my girlfriend makes it a tad bit harder to fly under the radar though. Suddenly I’m outing myself just by kissing my girlfriend out in public which is simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating.
Being part of the LGBTQ+ community, you have to be a lot more aware of whose hand you’re holding around other people, which is a shame. I refuse to let my setting dictate my relationship. I’ve never been one to be quiet about who I am. I’m out, I’m loud, and I’m proud. I want to hold my girlfriend’s hand and kiss her out in public. And I deserve to. How many times have you walked past a heterosexual couple making out in public? So why do I have to be afraid of grabbing her hand on the sidewalk? I don’t. And I won’t.
There’s also some validation with this relationship. When I came out to my mother, the first thing I heard was that I had never been with a girl, so how could I possibly know that I was attracted to them? I know I’m not the only one who has heard this. We are expected to prove our sexualities to everyone else. I hate the fact that I feel like more of a real queer girl just because I have a girlfriend. My identity was just as real before as it is now. And so is yours. Before this relationship though, my sexuality felt like more of just a fact about me. Now it’s a lot more real to me. My sexuality went from being an adjective to feeling more like a verb. It’s no longer something that just describes me because suddenly I’m going on dates and wanting to spend all my time with this girl. I’m actually doing this whole gay thing. (Spoiler alert: Katy Perry had the right idea.)
So being out in a relationship is a little different, but it’s a good different. My therapist once told me to be the Dora the Explorer of sexuality. I’m going to pause and let that sink in because yes my therapist actually said that. But this is my first relationship within the LGBTQ+ community so exploring this new side of me makes me feel more solid with my sexuality and with myself. I feel like I finally get me.
And now to those who identify and date within the LGBTQ+ community: Your identity is real and it’s valid, whether or not you are in a relationship. Hold the hands you want to hold, kiss the people you want to kiss. Love the people you want to love. Don’t be quiet about the way you love. Love is what makes the world go ‘round.