Lactose intolerance is the term used to define your body’s inability to digest lactose, a sugar found in dairy products. In more science-y terms, your body doesn’t produce enough lactase to break down lactose. If a lactose intolerant person has dairy without taking a lactase supplement, they experience one or more of the following nightmares: bloating, gas, diarrhea, indigestion, and stomach cramps. Oh, and over 30 to 50 million Americans are lactose intolerant.
That’s right– these poor souls cannot go a moment without being cautious of every bit of food and drink entering their stomach. I’m lactose intolerant, and let me tell you a not-so-secret secret: it SUCKS. Here’s a sad little list of 12 reasons why I pretty much can’t look at food the same way anymore.
1. You ALWAYS have to read the ingredients in everything to make sure it has no dairy.
2. You can’t binge on ice cream, chocolate, milkshakes, cakes, cupcakes, brownies, or anything milky anymore. (I mean seriously, I can’t even enjoy a cream cheese bagel!)
3. There’s always that awkward moment when you have to ask the waiter/waitress at a restaurant (or other food place) if they have any dairy-free options.
4. When you do find dairy-free options, they’re much pricier than dairy options. It’s so criminal I might as well suffer with dairy.
5. Your friends think you’re on a diet every time you turn down ice cream, milkshakes, cake, etc.
6. Speaking of friends, you dread that moment someone asks you what happens if you have dairy.
7. There’s always that once-in-a-while moment you accidentally have dairy, and, well…
8. You have to remember to bring lactase pills with you wherever you go.
9. The pill seems like a magical cure-all, but here’s the catch: It only helps you for about half an hour. Oh, and you have to take multiple pills depending on how much milk is in what you’re eating.
10. Sometimes, you underestimate how much milk is in what you’re eating, and one pill isn’t enough. Whoops.
11. There are (many) times you crave dairy but realize you don’t have the pill on you.
12. Every once in a while, you say “Screw it,” go for the dairy, and suffer the consequences later.