There are approximately 1.6 million people in the UK that suffer from an eating disorder. This is an unbelievably large proportion of the population, and yet eating disorders are still treated as a huge taboo. I feel as if the fear and guilt that come alongside admitting to suffering from an eating disorder can be likened to those ‘coming out’ as a gay person.
The pressures of the 21st century have affected so many men and women our age in many ways, and an increase in the diagnoses of eating disorders is just one result of these pressures. So why can’t we come to term with this and support our peers instead of branding them as ‘weirdos’? Somebody who has an eating disorder is just the same as you and I both inside and out; they just have an issue with food. Just like somebody may have an issue with heights or spiders.
This is something that I know from experience, I have suffered from an eating disorder. In 2013 I was diagnosed with atypical anorexia nervosa; this means that I showed symptoms of both bulimia and anorexia. I have battled with similar symptoms for a number of years but due to a lack of funding in the NHS, I was only recently diagnosed and help finally offered. Some people would disagree with me using the term ‘symptoms’, however this is the correct word to use as many people do not realise that anorexia and bulimia are illnesses that people deal with, just like cancer or the flu.
From my own experience I know that an eating disorder can break people apart from their friends and family. Thankfully I have a fantastic support unit all helped to deal with my burden and helped me move onwards and upwards with my life.
My story begins when I was sixteen and broke up with my long-term boyfriend. I was so determined to lose weight so that when I went back to school after summer he would look at me and wish he had me back. I am a naturally curvy girl who doesn’t suit being very skinny, but after losing some weight it became an obsession and I shrunk to just 7.5 stone.
This happened again in my second year of uni, once I started losing weight I couldn’t stop. I loved it. Every time I looked in the mirror and saw my tummy getting flatter or the dial on the scales fall further down I could have jumped with happiness! Losing weight was fast becoming an obsession once again. I was at my very worse at the beginning of 2013. Every day was different; some days I wouldn’t eat a morsel of food, some days I would eat one toasted teacake and some days an apple. However, whenever I did eat something the first thing I wanted to do was throw it up, it felt like whatever was inside of me was going to hurt me, so I had to get it out of my body. I went to extremes to do this: from putting fingers and toothbrushes down my throat, to smoking cigarettes so I could make myself feel sick. I began researching effective ways to throw up when those methods were finally no longer effective. This too became an obsession and was the only thing that I could think about. It took over my life. I grew distant from my friends thinking that they hated me. I didn’t want to talk to my family because I knew how much they despised my new ‘lifestyle’. Instead, I went out a lot, got involved with people who did not make me happy. It was a cycle of upset; drama and heart break for everybody involved. I always describe my eating disorder as a form of self-harm because I continually hurt myself through my actions. In turn this hurt everybody else, but I was so obsessed with my eating habits that I didn’t notice or care.
Since I was not eating anything I had no energy, when I went to classes I had to come home and go for a nap because I was so tired. Once when I went for a walk with my mum in Seaton Park she had to carry me around because I didn’t have the energy to walk the rest of the way home. This scared me. I couldn’t go to work, go to uni, or see my friends. I felt like I was in total isolation. I may have been alive, but I had no life.
I knew I had a serious problem, but I refused to do anything about it because I didn’t want to get ‘fat’ again. After taking leave from uni and spending time at home I started to realise that I was a shell of my former self. I wasn’t Emily anymore and the strain on my friends and family just was not fair. So, I went to the doctors and told them everything. This was my turning point.
My friends and beautiful flatmates were there every step of the way. From pulling me out of bed in the morning to making me sit at the kitchen table and finish a plate of food. This was all torture at the time, but I would absolutely not be where I am now without them. My family have also been unbelievable, my mum used to come up to Aberdeen from Edinburgh every weekend to check on me. Family members phoned me every day and sacrificed a lot just to be there for me. It is unbelievable the amount of people who sat up talking with me to the early hours of the morning. I often asked both friends and family what I could do to make it up to them and every time they answered, “get better.”
So that’s exactly what I did, from going to frequent doctors’ appointments, taking medication and having cognitive behaviour therapy, I feel like a whole new person. From this time last year to now I cannot believe the transformation I have made both physically and mentally. My fear of food has almost disappeared, I do still have bad days – but so does everyone! I am learning to love food again. I know that every time I clear my plate, cook something or tell a joke my flatmates and family are so pleased. This is now what I aim for, I owe them my life. I know just how very blessed and very lucky I am.
National Eating Disorders week is essential to raise the awareness of those who suffer in the same way as I once did. To be completely honest, life with anorexia nervosa is a living hell and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. However, many sufferers do not have the support that I am lucky enough to have and it is this support that necessary to win the battle against an eating disorder. I know it is almost impossible for non-sufferers to be able to relate to those going through this disease but increasing awareness will help destroy this modern-day fear about eating disorders. Please help me and all those supporting the campaign to reach out and help those suffering, you can save a life.