Although they’ve probably already been deemed inappropriate by a far more elite and professional group of individuals, there are just some things every girl should be able to say to her boss. Note: we don’t actually suggest you blurt out these 50 things, but we all know you’re thinking them.
1. I don’t have time for that.
2. I do have time to browse brunch pics on Instagram.
3. I deserve more money.
4. Like, my little brother makes more selling his rap EP to his friends’ moms.
5. When am I getting that promotion you promised me a year ago?
6. I don’t want you to be my mentor.
7. You should never attempt to mentor anyone.
8. That’s not part of my job.
9. That is, but I still don’t want to do it.
10. [Insert name of most annoying co-worker ever here] is the worst.
11. I’m leaving early today.
12. I will be late tomorrow.
13. Please don’t ask any follow up questions.
14. I’m not above telling you my fish/ex-boyfriend from middle school/imaginary leprechaun died.
15. Some days I need two lunches, and today is one of those days.
16. Am I getting paid for this?
17. Just because I’m staring at my computer doesn’t mean I’m being productive in any way.
18. I never fall asleep at my desk.
19. Okay, it was only that one time.
20. Fine, it’s like once or twice a day.
21. I like to call it extended blinking.
22. Should I bring you a doctor’s note?
23. This is not my dream job.
24. My dream job entails becoming a Real Housewife—getting paid to drink a lot and throw some tables.
25. I applied for this job because I thought a lot of hot singles worked here.
26. In reality, zero hot singles work here.
27. Don’t even try to tell me why Craig from two cubicles down qualifies as a hot single. He’s not.
28. I hate Mondays.
29. I hate Tuesdays.
30. I hate Wednesdays.
31. I hate Thursdays.
32. FRI-YAY!
33. I have no idea what I’m doing.
34. If I could survive unemployment, I would so quit.
35. I’ve officially stopped caring.
36. If we’re both still working here in 5 years, can we make a pact? That we’ll kill each other.
37. I demand an elevator be installed in this building.
38. Stairs are for women who don’t mind starting their work day off a sweaty mess.
39. And that is most definitely not my jam.
40. You’re being sexist.
41. But I am on my period so I need you to not speak to me for the next five to seven days.
42. I’m going to cry under my desk now.
43. Pretty sure I could do your job better than you.
44. It’s like I’m working for Michael Scott.
45. And not even the funny Michael Scott. The completely incompetent one.
46. You’re fired.
47. Do you understand you’re looking at Olivia Pope, Leslie Knope and Mindy Lahiri all rolled up into one fabulous woman?
48. I’m not bossy.
49. I am the boss.
50. Well, you are, but at least I’m getting there.