A few years ago, I started asking for a free slice of pizza whenever I purchased a couple of slices from a pizza shop. It started at my local shop in NYC – I was extra hungry one night, and I wanted additional slices. I ordered a couple of slices as I normally would, and then said, “And can you throw in any extra slices for free?” I tried to play off my bold request nonchalantly, but I felt like all eyes were on me (despite the fact that there was only one other patron in the establishment, who definitely didn’t hear me). The man preparing my order laughed at me, so I was shocked when I actually got a free slice. I was also surprised at how uncomfortable I’d felt making this ask, even though the ask was so unjustified – after all, I’m usually unapologetically bold and outspoken – but practicing this multiple times led me to realize that by asking for free pizza I was emboldening myself, and it’s since become my go-to negotiation practice tool.
Negotiation is a critical skill
Asking for free pizza may seem silly, but I encourage you to give it a shot. You’ll be surprised at how uncomfortable you feel – after all, you did nothing to earn the pizza, and a restaurant’s business model relies on selling their food, not giving it away! It’s really difficult to ask for free pizza with confidence and without backing down. Off the cuff it may seem easy, but pause for a moment and imagine yourself actually doing it: you’re likely to blush, giggle, turn red or mumble through the request, if you ever get that far, but you may never muster up the courage to even try. It feels like you’re asking for something you don’t deserve, which makes you uncomfortable.
Now, if you think about negotiating a salary for a job, do you feel uncomfortable? Later in your career it’s probably easier to negotiate with confidence – you’ve earned it, right? – but can someone with no prior work experience negotiate for more money? Absolutely. Women especially need to negotiate, any chance that we get.
Economist Linda Babcock, who is also a professor at Carnegie Mellon, tells her students that by not negotiating from the very beginning of their career, they can miss out on over $1 million over the course of their careers. Negotiation can be intimidating, but think about how men are asking for more money much more than women are. Babcock states in her book, Women Don’t Ask, that men ask for raises four times as often as women do, and even when women do ask it’s for 30% less than what men are asking for. Many women don’t know that they can negotiate for more, so they don’t do it.
There several social and biological reasons that may explain why women aren’t asking. Historically, women are expected to be more cooperative and less dominant, so they may feel that trying to negotiate may leave them viewed less favorably (which sometimes is the case). Women put more importance on “a job well done,” while men care less about praise as long as their good work is financially rewarded. Women are taught to be nice, and that talking about money is taboo, while men are groomed to be breadwinners from an early age, and are taught to advocate for themselves. It boils down to the fact that since negotiation isn’t something that’s openly taught to girls or discussed among women, a lot of women simply don’t have this information. Women should be negotiating for more – after all, isn’t it time that we collectively ask for what we’re worth?
Practice makes perfect
And if negotiating can earn you so much additional money, shouldn’t you practice your negotiation skills? If you’re an athlete, dancer, musician or actor, you understand the importance of practice, where you can hone the skills that you need to work for you without fear of making mistakes. We rehearse in a low stakes scenario so that we can perform our very best during a high pressure one. This is where asking for free pizza comes into play.
The pizza shop is your negotiation practice zone. Negotiating can make you feel unconfident, uneasy, and even fraudulent – but you need to ask for that extra slice, which will eventually equate to different things for different people. For me it’s a salary raise, but it can be a flexible schedule, a stipend for continued education, extra vacation days, a permanent work from home structure and more.
When you ask for free pizza, one of two things will happen: you’ll get the pizza, or you won’t. Getting the free pizza will probably boost your confidence, and it proves how important asking is. I get free pizza all the time, and I’ve done nothing to deserve it – simply asking gets me what I want. That gives me confidence for when I negotiate at work, because I know I’m negotiating for something I do deserve.
If the person you order from doesn’t give you free pizza, ask again! “Just one slice? What about the veggie pizza? There are always pieces left over.” If they still say no, ask for garlic knots instead, a smaller ask that they may be more likely to give you after denying you the pizza (a larger ask). Don’t be scared to just go for it! This is negotiation practice. That being said, when using this practice tool, remember that you’re making a request while someone is on the job. Food service workers work incredibly hard, long hours. It’s one thing to fail and try again, but another thing to be disrespectful and harass employees. If the answer is a firm no, accept it. As with a real negotiation, respect is paramount.
You also probably shouldn’t use this method during COVID-19. The restaurant industry has been hit incredibly hard, and they’re in no place to give out food for free. What I call “The Pizza Principle” (not to be confused with the theory that pizza slices and subway fares will always match up in NYC) is intended to be used under normal, economically healthy circumstances. Learning how to advocate for yourself doesn’t mean to be ruthless or demanding – always remember that.
If you fail, you’re no worse off than you were before
If after respectfully practicing your negotiation skills the answer is still no, you’ve learned something important: you’re no worse off than you were before. You’ll still get the pizza slices you paid for. The person taking your order may give you a funny look, but that’s the worst of it. You won’t be banned from the shop or turned into a viral meme. Your world won’t shatter if you hear “no.” Getting rejected shows you that the downside isn’t actually so bad. Translated to a work situation, if your ask is rejected, you won’t be fired and your offer won’t be rescinded – things will simply remain the same. I’ve made asks at work that were turned down, but I wouldn’t have had the confidence to ask in the first place if I didn’t practice hearing “no.”
Asking for free pizza forces you to become friends with the uncomfortable feeling you get when you ask for more. By having the courage to ask for pizza, you’ll build up your confidence to ask for something when the stakes are higher. The Pizza Principle has helped me successfully negotiate my salary on four occasions.
The first time I negotiated, I simply asked for more money. I left my request open ended, and didn’t ask for a specific dollar amount. I ended up getting offered 20% more than I was originally. The second time I negotiated, I gave a minimum dollar amount for a base salary, and a goal for my on-target-earnings (I work in sales, where base salary plus bonus equals on-target-earnings). The third time I asked, I was very direct and asked for a specific dollar amount. The fourth time I negotiated was the only time I gave reasons, citing market rate as well as my past success before stating the number I thought I deserved. I am by no means a fearless negotiator, but because I practiced discomfort, I knew I could ask.
Because I practiced, I knew I could face rejection without breaking. Most of the fear of being bold lies in a fear of the unknown. There’s a deep fear of what happens if we don’t get the “yes” we’re so desperate for, but once you understand the worst case scenario, you know that not getting free pizza – or not getting a raise – is the worst possible outcome. Coming to terms with the worst possible outcome gives you power to aim for the best possible outcome.
Getting rejected is much less scary than a mysterious negative outcome. If you’re not afraid to ask, you’ll negotiate for more, more often. Given the number of women who currently aren’t negotiating, The Pizza Principle practice tool is especially necessary. I want women to ask for what they want, unapologetically. Whether you’re negotiating a salary for an entry level job or a C-level job, don’t be afraid to negotiate! Don’t be afraid to ask for more. You can get that extra slice.