Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.
So I had a gen ed class with this guy sophomore year––one of those big 100+ people classes. I saw him out one night, but when he came up to me and asked to dance, I started talking to him instead of giving him an actual answer (I couldn’t believe it was him! And he was asking me to dance!). We had a brief (but positive) conversation that was cut short by the host kicking people out––his friend being one of them. Unfortunately, this happened at the end of the semester, so I didn’t see him after that. He’s on the football team, and seeing athletes around my side of campus is pretty rare. We’re Facebook friends but haven’t seen each other since.
He’s super cute, and from what I know about him, he’s a genuinely nice guy, and I want to know more. I’m usually a go-getter when it comes to these kinds of things, but I’m not a huge fan of the Facebook approach when it comes to breaking the ice/trying to meet up/you get what I’m saying. Anyway, this is my last year (he’s a fifth year, so it’s his last year too) and I don’t want to let this opportunity pass me by. How do you think I should go about furthering this very level-one relationship? Do you think Facebook would be a “normal” way to go about it if our paths don’t normally cross on campus? –Very Confused at Virginia
Very Confused,
While I personally have never been a fan of social networking romancing, I think it might be your best bet––your Hail Mary, if you will. You first met the guy years ago in a gen ed class, and, outside of a party, the two of you haven’t really had that much interaction. This can be extremely beneficial to you, and here’s why:
He may not even remember you. Don’t be offended by this—he’s had hundreds of people in the number of classes he’s taken between now and the one you two shared. Unless you really wowed him at the party, it’s reasonable that he may have shuffled you to the back of his mental Rolodex. While this may seem like a bad thing at first, keep in mind that this gives you the ability to start anew!
How much have you changed between then and now? Have you matured at all? How has your mindset changed between freshman year and now? I ask all of these questions because these are routes to conversation that might spring up on, say, a date. Facebook would allow you to open the door, or at the very least knock on it to see who’s home first. I think the best approach would be to send him a message on Facebook (“Hey, I’m not sure if you remember me, but…”) and carry on a casual conversation (“How have you been?”). After this, you could consider asking him if he wants to go out sometime (“So do you think you’d want to hang out?” or the classic “So do you want to go out sometime?”).
If he says yes, go out! If he says no, understand that just because college is ending doesn’t mean the door to future relationships gets shut forever. Lots of people date post-college, and as much as I hate to use a cliché, there really are plenty of fish in the sea.
People often change in college. Asking him out now (whether you take the virtual approach or not) gives you the bonus of being able to show off how you might have changed since he last saw you, and perhaps more importantly, it gives you the ability to see how he might have changed since you last saw him.
Go for it, Confused; make your move. Like I said, while I’m not normally a fan of the Facebook approach to romance, I think your particular situation might actually benefit from it. Talk to him, see when he’s free and don’t wait for him to ask you out––make the first move!