We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.
I started hooking up with this great guy during the last week of school. We haven’t hung out that much, but enough to know I like him more than just a hook-up. Unfortunately, we are in different places for the summer, and I don’t know how to go about communicating with him in a way that suggests I want things to continue next year. When texting him, how frequently is too frequent? How do I know if he feels the same way? – Crushin’ Hard at Colgate
Colgate,
I don’t know who came up with this “if you text too often he’ll think you’re crazy” theory, but I can’t say I wholeheartedly agree with it.
Of course, there comes a certain point where too much texting can be off-putting, but I feel like it’s only off-putting if it’s one-sided. Recently, with one girl, we would send each other funny GIFs and make fun of people around us via text — and we did that for most of the day, whether we were at work or not. But with that situation, it was two people texting each other frequently, as opposed to one person texting another person every other minute to say something inane.
What’s worrying is when a girl texts me to say something, and if I don’t respond within a certain time frame, she sends me another text asking if I got the first one (or something similar), and then another one asking why I haven’t responded, and another asking what’s wrong, and so on and so forth. Avoid being that girl and I think you’ll be safe. Your best bet — if he doesn’t text you first — is to shoot him a “Good morning” text and see where conversation goes from there.
Don’t force conversation if it isn’t there. Don’t pressure him into responding if he doesn’t answer within minutes. That’s a common mistake that both men and women frequently make (myself included). Don’t text him every hour unless you really need to discuss something important. Above all, Colgate, don’t feel like you have to text him all the time out of fear that, if you don’t, he’ll think you aren’t interested.
Every hour is too much. Every day, depending on the topic, can even be too much. I think every other day or every few days (again, this totally depends on what your relationship is like) is a safe bet. So long as conversation isn’t one-sided, I don’t see an issue with frequent texts.
Communication is key, Colgate. If you want to find out if he feels the same way, there’s no secret tip. Coming from a guy, the best way to find out if he’s interested in pursuing something more than a hook-up is to just ask him. Tell him how you feel, and see if he reciprocates those feelings. Don’t judge his interest in you based on his texting habits, because those aren’t always 100 percent indicative of his emotions. Some people keep those areas of life separated, and sometimes people just really dislike texting!