I remember when my mom first took me to her alma mater, the University of Arizona. “That used to be my room,” my mom said, pointing at a cross-hatched window on a large white house with Greek letters. “We were known as the sporty sorority,” she explained.
My parents met while in Greek life at Arizona, so naturally, I’ve always flirted with the idea of joining a sorority. Growing up, I heard their stories about bonding with their chapters and having some of the best years of their lives. I always liked to imagine joining a sorority and making my own memories, but as I approached my first year of college at UC Berkeley, I began to have a lot of anxiety about the idea.
My mom is a social, energetic former gymnast who befriends just about everyone. I, on the other hand, am a bookish introvert who tends to keep a smaller circle of friends. Especially as I began to read and watch YouTube and TikTok videos about recruitment, I started to question whether or not it was even right for me. The thought of being judged on my looks and my conversation skills was enough to make my stomach turn. But my mom encouraged me to go through with it, so I worked up the confidence to enroll in UC Berkeley’s fall primary recruitment my first semester of freshman year.
Starting college in 2020, recruitment looked a bit different. The entire process, including bid day, was conducted on Zoom. The first round of parties had a strict no-camera policy — which actually made me feel a lot more comfortable. As I clicked on Zoom link after Zoom link and jumped from breakout room to breakout room, I felt like I could completely be myself around the active members. I wasn’t self-conscious or wondering what I looked like; all of my focus was on the quality of the conversation.
My mom’s sorority no longer takes legacy status into account when making recruitment decisions, but day after day, I kept receiving an invitation back to their recruitment events. It was difficult not to be excited at the idea of joining the house my mom was once a part of, even if it was at a different campus. But at the same time, another house, Alpha Chi Omega, began to tug at my heart. Each member I spoke to felt so real and authentic, and we chatted about everything from The Good Place to philanthropy to William Faulkner.
Sure enough, on the last day of recruitment, I was down to my mom’s house and Alpha Chi Omega. I found myself torn between these two very different chapters, and I knew my decision would impact my next four years at Berkeley. I remember texting my friend who had joined a sorority a few years prior and asking for advice. She told me to trust my gut.
Looking inward, I realized that a major draw to my mom’s house was the very fact that I was a legacy and had grown up hearing its name. When I took that factor away, however, I knew which option felt like home. That’s not to say I didn’t click with my mom’s house at all; in fact, one girl in the chapter suggested I begin writing for Her Campus! But Alpha Chi Omega somehow felt so right, and it was where I felt like I could be completely, authentically myself. The next day, I received a bid, and I was overjoyed to learn that the chapter wanted me as well.
Three years later, Greek life at UC Berkeley is back to in-person operation, and I continue to live in the Alpha Chi Omega house. I’ve found many of my lifelong friends in this chapter, and I even have two littles and four grandlittles (and counting). My mom has been the most supportive through everything, coming to house events during parents weekend and inviting my college friends home to SoCal during breaks. At the end of the day, she doesn’t care whether we’re in the same chapter or not. She just wants me to be happy.
While I respect and value my mom’s sorority experience, I also recognize that it’s not my own. And that’s perfectly OK! In my opinion, it’s great that sororities are getting rid of their legacy policies, because at the end of the day, they don’t benefit anyone. Not only are they a disadvantage to first generation college students and those who have been historically excluded from Greek life, but they may encourage legacies to join a house that isn’t necessarily the best fit for them.
So, for any potential new members preparing for recruitment this fall, my best advice is to go into the process with an open mind. No social media influencer, “ranking,” or family tie can tell you which chapter is the right fit. Only you can make that call.