Now I know what my girl Taylor Swift meant by, “How can a person know everything at 18, but nothing at 22?” Except in my version, it’s “How could I know everything I wanted to be at 10, but question everything at 21?” From a young age, anytime I was asked the dreaded question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I always responded with my default answer: “A businesswoman and banker.” After saying it so many times, I convinced myself it was true. I had a tunnel-vision mentality, and nothing was going to stop me from completing each step of my perfect plan.
All my life, I’ve confused the comfort of validation with actual love for the things I do. I never exactly adored ballet, but I stuck with it for 10 years just to say that I could commit to something. My 12 years of piano were not purely motivated by enthusiasm, but rather by collecting trophies. My excellence in math wasn’t out of enjoyment, but instead based on all the people who told me I could be a mathematician. But little did I know, having this mindset would only hold me back from exploring what I’m truly passionate about — thankfully, going to college changed all that.
After graduating high school, I got into an amazing university — just as I’d planned. But what I didn’t predict was that UCLA would completely change my perspective on who I really wanted to be. In college, there were no preconceived notions of who I was or what my goals were (unlike in my hometown). Just the change of location opened my eyes to the idea that being goal-oriented does not have to mean being closed off to other opportunities. Within my first year of college, I came to realize that even though math and accounting were my strongest subjects, they’re not necessarily what I love. This moment was probably one of the scariest in my life. There was no backup plan, sense of direction, or parachute to carry me to some guaranteed smooth landing. Just like that, I was kicked out of my comfort zone and forced to enter the big broad world of endless opportunity.
It was uncomfortable to have no one swaying my opinion. I was always used to my parents encouraging me to try a new activity, or competition with my peers pushing me to take on a new challenge. But at UCLA, my path became a decision for me, and only me, to make. And so, I switched up my mindset and forced myself out of my comfort zone whenever I could, diving into every avenue that even minorly sparked my interest. From writing, to marketing, to consulting, to philosophy; my new goal was to try everything so that I landed exactly where I was meant to be, an idea that was completely foreign to me before college. After a year of this adventure, I found what I truly loved to learn about. (As cliche as it sounds, it was a “when you know, you know” feeling.) I picked up a Political Science-Economics double major, and pivoted from pre-business to pre-law.
Even with my new academic and career goal in mind, I’ve made sure to not make it my entire personality. Instead of neglecting my love for creativity, I joined my school’s Her Campus chapter as a features writer, and am now serving as editor-in-chief. I also combined my interest in marketing with journalism by being an outreach intern for the Daily Bruin. And I still have a curiosity around finance and investing, so I stayed involved by joining UCLA’s Consumer, Culture, & Capital club, which I’m now the vice president of. The ability to do so many different things at one time feels natural, but now that I look back, this was, at one time, such a new concept to me. Without stepping out of my comfort zone, I would never have been able to be a part of the organizations that are now such a huge part of my identity.
As I start my fourth year at UCLA, I find myself asking how the time flew by so quickly. Honestly, I think it can be attributed to the fact that I found the things I truly love doing, the people who’ve helped me become the best version of myself, and the place that inspires me. And yes, I am still a creature of habit, but I will never let my comfort zone consume my life — instead, I’m living for the hope of it all.