I Did A Thing is our weekly advice column where the Her Campus editorial team helps you out when you ruin your own life (hey, we’ve been there). Email advice@hercampus.com for any and everything you need help with. We’ll answer you (anonymously!) on hercampus.com so we can all learn, together. We’ve got your back.
@lovekindasucks: So my best friend and I fell in love with each other and her whole family knows about it. Some of my family do but my parents don’t agree with same-sex relationships. We’re not together but we act like it and I’m about to graduate high school while she has 2 more years. I love her more than life but I’m afraid that I won’t be good enough for her and we won’t work out. What should I do?
@helpmehc: So I think there are a few different threads to cover in this question: your relationship with this girl, your relationship with your parents, and your confidence in yourself. Let’s start with the third one. Something that can be helpful to keep in mind, but SO DIFFICULT to remember when you’re in the midst of something like this, is that you’re not the only one who’s ever felt like this. A lot of people in relationships (or unofficial relationships, or whatever you want to call this) spend sooo much time feeling like they aren’t good enough. It can be an especially messy feeling when you’re not in a super Official Official Relationship because you don’t really know what’s going to happen next, so there’s a sense of instability (trust me, I’ve been there, with another girl, and it was not easy at alllll). Especially with you being at different points in your lives, it gets even more complicated. But I think you have to remind yourself that if you’re with this girl, it’s because she’s choosing to be with you, so you’re clearly doing something right. She’s into you. Do your best to embrace and enjoy that feeling instead of questioning it.
Re: your parents, coming out or being in a not-straight relationship is so, so hard when your parents aren’t supportive. At the end of the day, though, what you choose to tell them (or not tell them) is 100% up to you, and you don’t owe them anything when it comes to what gender you do or don’t date. I know it’s easier said than done, but know you aren’t doing anything wrong by dating another girl.
Now, for the relationship itself. One thing that’s helpful to remember is that, technically, any relationship can end at any time for any reason, whether it’s a same-sex relationship, a different-gender relationship, whatever. Maybe you’ll be in love forever. Maybe you’re just in love right now. Either way, it’s a beautiful and lovely and wonderful thing, and it’s something we don’t have control over and can’t assign a timeline. And that’s why it’s so important to remember to love yourself, too. Yes, it’s cheesy af, but it’s SO IMPORTANT to have a solid, loving relationship with yourself so that regardless of what happens with this relationship, you still have yourself. Because you’re worth all the love you’re giving this girl, too. ?