Returning to college after a summer-long hiatus can be anxiety-inducing in and of itself. What if you don’t remember how to do calculus for your mandatory math class, or what if you forget to pack something you need from home? What if you get a bad professor this semester, or what if you get homesick again? And on top of all of that, what if seeing your old college besties is… awkward?
The back-to-college jitters are completely normal, and especially in regards to friendships. Seeing your college friends after several months apart is like seeing your long-distance significant other after a few weeks — there can be some awkwardness, some tension, some… “Hey, so, you still like me, right?”
Luckily, there are some ways to fight against some of that (normal!) social tension — here are what psychological experts have to say about easing back into college friendships after summer.
Take things slow.
Any transition can take some adjustment time — and even if you’ve already done this whole college thing before, going back after a summer break is still a transition. Diana Cusumano, the director of JED Campus and wellness initiatives and a licensed mental health clinician, emphasizes that it’s OK to take things slow and acknowledge how you’re feeling.
“Any transition can feel a bit anxiety-provoking and can take some time to process and feel calm again,” Cusumano tells Her Campus. “Transitioning to move back to campus after the summer away can bring on many different kinds of feelings, from excitement to anxiety.”
Before college starts and things get busy, take some time to process how you’re feeling. Journaling, yoga, and meditation can help you sort out your emotions, stay calm and grounded, and put things in perspective.
Remember that your real friends will like you for you.
Dr. Victor Schwartz, the CEO and director of Mind Strategies, stresses that your real friends will like you for you.
If you’re nervous about your friends asking you about what you did over summer break because you just spent most of it on the couch watching Stranger Things, Dr. Schwartz has some advice. “Sometimes people feel that others might have had more interesting or exciting experiences over the summer but realize that many people have had options limited due to the COVID pandemic and economics,” Dr. Schwartz shares with Her Campus. “Remember too that if you ask your friends about their experiences with genuine curiosity, most people will be happy to talk about their experiences. Your real friends will be open to hearing about your summer without judging you.”
If any of your friends seem to be judging you when you go back to campus, then they’re not your real friends, anyway. Surrounding yourself with people who make you happy and genuinely care about you is the key to college friendships. Quality over quantity, bestie.
Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling.
If you’re still feeling overwhelmed about easing back into college friendships after summer ends, it may be worth talking to someone about how you’re feeling — whether that’s a trusted friend, loved one, or therapist. “Sometimes just talking about how we feel can really help and lead us to feeling better about the situation,” Cusumano tells Her Campus.
If you’re already back on-campus, it may be worth checking out your college’s counseling center for help. “Most residential colleges have a counseling center where you can usually get free counseling, so I would suggest starting there,” Cusumano says.
Make plans with your friends before the semester starts.
Being proactive can also help ease some of those pre-semester jitters when it comes to rekindling college friendships. Cusumano recommends reaching out to your friends before the semester starts up again to just clear the air. “[Your college friends] may also want to rekindle a friendship and sometimes the hardest thing is just initiating a conversation,” Cusumano tells Her Campus.
Shoot a quick text or FaceTime your college BFF and let them know how excited you are to see them again, and make tangible plans for when you’re both back on-campus. Make plans to go to the dining hall together for lunch, get textbooks from the bookstore together, or just hang out in your dorm room. Having a plan in mind and knowing that your college friend wants to see you again too may be just the thing that helps ease some of that social tension — and gives you something to look forward to at the start of the semester!