Coffee isn’t a drink, it’s a lifestyle, and it’s one you have chosen to take very seriously. Whether you’ve got a habit that would shock a Starbucks barista, or you simply need a cup or two to get yourself going in the morning, the first step to overcoming addiction is admitting you have a problem. Not that you plan on giving up coffee any time soon. You don’t wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy without a little help, right? Right?
1. Before you’ve had the chance to have your first cup, you’re like
It’s not exactly a pretty sight.
2. Your friends and family know to stay away until you have a sufficient amount of caffeine coursing through your veins.
Let’s just say you get a little grumpy.
3. You know exactly how you take your coffee, and you have a hard time straying from your go-to order.
And you have no patience for indecisive customers who take forever to order.
4. In fact, when asked how you take your coffee, you say, “Seriously. Very seriously.”
Because you are seriously dependent on it.
5. Your morning is ruined when the person in front of you orders a complicated item off of the “secret menu” at Starbucks.
And you feel personally victimized by this person. Why won’t she just let you get coffee in peace?
6. Tea? Tea is for wimps. Tea is for the weak.
Someone always suggests that you switch over from coffee to tea… yeah, right.
7. You have a deep, emotional attachment to your barista.
Do you love him because he is beautiful, or is he beautiful because he encourages your bad habits?
8. You separate your year into two seasons: Iced and Hot.
“Is it too cold for iced coffee?” = The constant struggle.
9. You spend way too much money at coffee shops.
There’s just something really nice about having your coffee made by a professional.
10. Given enough coffee, you could run a small country.
Mostly because you consume enough coffee to fuel a small army.
11. You’re constantly lying about the amount of coffee you’ve had.
Because the looks of judgment are just too much to bear.
12. Forget it if you missed your morning cup—the caffeine headaches are killer.
Like being hungover, except worse.
13. Which usually has your friends saying things like, “You’re going through withdrawals,” and, “You need help.”
They don’t know your life.
14. Your yawns are like silent screams for coffee.
15. But you’ll never stop because caffeine has always been there for you.
You’ve been hooked since your first cup, and there is no stopping now. It’s a vicious cycle.