As the last months of high school approach, you may find yourself feeling a little under the weather. Your motivation has plummeted to almost zero, the last time you brushed your hair was probably at homecoming and you wrote your most recent essay on the back of one of your mom’s old grocery lists because finding a new piece of paper was just way too much work. Let face it: you’re not exactly psyched for this last semester of high school.
What is this strange disease that is slowly taking over both your body and your brain? Swine flu? Mono? A serious case of the common cold?
The answer is none of the above! You’ve most likely been infected with a severe case of senioritis, and there’s not much you can do to stop it. It’s a disease that has infected thousands of second-semester seniors all over the country.
If you find yourself experiencing any of the following symptoms, there’s a good chance that you, too, have a case of senioritis.
1. Loss of Hand Mobility When it’s Time to Turn Off the TV
Senioritis may cause the muscles in your hands to lock or cramp up whenever you think about turning off the TV, making it almost impossible to grab the remote. You may find yourself stuck in front of your television set for hours on end without being able to move.
2. Short-Term Memory Loss When it Comes to Remembering Project Due Dates
How are you supposed to remember a project due date if you can barely remember to shower in the morning anymore? When infected with senioritis, signals are sent to your brain that block any important piece of information that is crucial to your success at school. Not only do these signals interfere with project due dates and homework assignments, they can also cause you to accidentally leave your lunch at home or forget your car keys in your science classroom.
3. Inability to Do Homework Until the Very Last Minute
Try as hard as you might, when infected with senioritis, it’s impossible to do homework more than 12 hours before it’s due. This disease causes your procrastination gland to overproduce, making it difficult to start important homework or projects. You’re almost guaranteed to have to pull at least one all-nighter.
4. Extreme Difficulty Waking Up in the Morning
Studies have shown that senioritis causes a rapid increase in energy at nighttime and a severe decrease in energy in the morning. Extremely heavy eyelids upon waking are a common side effect of this disease. Senioritis has been known to increase the average high school student’s coffee intake by almost 50 percent.
5. Lack of Motivation
A sudden decrease in motivation is not uncommon when infected with senioritis. Whether you’re having a hard time finding the energy to make a trip to your locker or you simply can’t think of a good reason to get dressed in the morning, senioritis is definitely the culprit.
6. Feelings of Restlessness When Sitting in a Classroom for Extended Periods of Time
When diagnosed with senioritis, sitting for long periods of time (that are not spent in front of your TV or computer) may make you anxious and restless. You feel a sudden wave of claustrophobia hit you as soon as you step into any classroom, and you will probably find yourself going to the bathroom two to three times a class period just so you can get up and walk around before you explode.
7. Excessive Desire to Skip Class
Senioritis has been known to make students feel a false sense of sickness in the morning that in turn causes a strong desire to stay home. You will most likely find yourself reaching the maximum number of absences one can have without being expelled by the end of the semester. You consider every Friday to be “senior skip day.”
8. Overpowering Need to Rebel
Openly texting in class, refusing to follow the dress code, parking in a reserved parking spot: they’re all signs that you’ve been infected.
9. Sudden Head Spasms That Cause You to Look at the Clock Every Other Minute
As a result of senioritis, your head may become difficult to control. Sudden spasms are not uncommon. If you suspect you have senioritis, you’ve probably noticed that you inadvertently look at the clock multiple times during any given class period, anxiously waiting for the bell to ring.
10. Drastic Increase in Netflix Consumption
You might not have the motivation or the attention span required to finish your English essay, but you do have the energy and drive to finish an entire season of Breaking Bad in one sitting.
11. Difficulty Reading Things That Are Longer Than a Few Paragraphs
Those infected with senioritis often have shorter attention spans and find it extremely difficult to read anything longer than a couple of paragraphs. You may notice blurred vision when staring at words for too long. You can barely read a SparkNotes summary, let alone an entire novel.
12. Frequent Hallucinations About What College Life Will Be Like
Hallucinations are a common symptom of senioritis that can occur at any time during the day. You might find yourself dreaming about going to the bathroom without asking for permission or the hundreds of cool college parties you’ll be attending in just a few short months instead of paying attention to your teacher’s history lesson. You can’t help but spend every class period imagining how much better college is going to be.
13. Inflated Ego and Sense of Superiority
Senioritis may cause you to view yourself as the most superior person on campus. As your senioritis increases, so does your ego. Your view all underclassmen as “beneath you” and aren’t afraid to let everyone know that you rule the school. Cutting freshmen in the lunch line or sauntering into your science class 10 minutes late is not unusual behavior for someone infected with senioritis.
14. Loss of Interest in Your Appearance
Wearing a variation of the same outfit every day is a common behavior when infected with senioritis. Sweatpants become increasingly acceptable as senioritis develops, and makeup becomes less and less important.
15. Increased Irritability
As you get through the last few months of high school, you might find yourself becoming easily irritated by the people you’ve gone to school with for the past four years. You may have tolerated them before, but as soon as you’re afflicted with senioritis, you won’t be able to hide your disdain for some of your more annoying classmates. You’ll definitely build up extra eye strength from all the eye rolling you’ll be doing.
The good news is that senioritis is not life-threatening and will most likely go away on its own within a few months. Come graduation day, you should feel like your normal self again. Until then, you just have to push through this last semester and know that college is just around the corner.
If your symptoms persist after graduation, you might want to consult your doctor.