Pretty Little Liars has captured our hearts and minds over the last seven years, and we have to keep watching no matter how wildly implausible it gets. There’s so much about this show that is #goals (the boyfriends, the outfits) and so much that is #antigoals (mostly the murder). As the final season comes to an end, I decided to experience Liar life for myself. This put me in the shoes of a young and beautiful Rosewood citizen for a day, and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.
8:30 a.m.: Pick out my outfit
To truly embody the spirit of a Liar, I had to pick an absurd outfit. My wardrobe is pretty simple, so I couldn’t quite get on Aria’s level, but I ended up with a printed dress, silver heels, and an oversize cardigan, plus the biggest earrings I own (which, unfortunately, are very regular-sized gold hoops). The outfit felt mismatched, impractical and slightly glamorous—exactly what I was going for. As I was walking out the door, I noticed my boyfriend putting a black hoodie on. I don’t remember him owning a black hoodie, but whatever, sometimes he goes to TJ Maxx without me.
Me trying & failing to channel Emily’s pose in the Season 7 poster.
9:30 a.m.: Commute to work
I take Boston’s green line to work, which is well known for being slower than a car. But a slow ride shouldn’t get in the way of drama when you aspire to be a Pretty Little Liar! A guy I’ve befriended from our office was on the train, too, and he came over to talk to me. He looked worried and tried to press a train ticket into my hand, even though I clearly already have a train pass. But before I could tell him that, people in black hoodies suddenly pulled open the doors of the train and pushed the guy off while we were still moving!! I wasn’t sure how these hoodie people managed to pull off throwing someone off the train in broad daylight, but not everything can make perfect sense when you’re living like a TV character.
10 a.m.: Work
The first few hours at work were relatively normal, given that I had just seen someone get pushed off of a train. I was freaked out by that, but I remembered that I was trying to live like a Liar, and those girls have seen some shit. They don’t get fazed by murder—in fact, they thrive on it. With that mindset, I was able to blow through editing several news posts, and even sat in on a few meetings. I didn’t tell anyone else what I saw on the train, because I honestly don’t know who I can trust in the Her Campus office. Then, around 1:30, every phone in the office started vibrating at the same time. We had all received the same text: “HCXO no more, bitches.” Then the police showed up at the office, and told me I’d have to go with them.
2 p.m.: Get questioned about murder
I was a little worried headed to the police station, because I’d been on the train when someone got pushed off of it. I thought I should probably get a lawyer. But I had to stay true to the Pretty Little Liars experiment, and the Liars would never get a lawyer—that’s pretty much the least PLL thing you can do. And unfortunately, I don’t have an adoptive mom to be my legal counsel. So instead I tried to be as vague as possible, and also act sexy, since the Liars are always hooking up with authority figures who get in their way. It didn’t work, as I don’t have a lot of practice being seductive, but the officers were so embarrassed for me that they let me go.
6 p.m.: Head back home
By this point I was totally exhausted from the police questioning and seductive behavior. I made my way back to my apartment, hoping to just chill with my boyfriend for a while to let go of the stress of the day. But even though my BF works from home, he wasn’t there when I got back. I tried to call him—no answer. Just when I was starting to get worried, he walked through the door wearing that new black hoodie and somehow totally covered in dirt. I asked him where he’d been, and he said “a gardening convention.” Weird, because he’s never expressed an interest in gardening in his life…But hey, I’m just glad he has a new hobby!
8 p.m.: Receive a visit from an unsettling doctor
After dinner, the BF and I were just about to start watching TV when there was a knock on the door. It was this hot British guy who claimed to work at a local mental hospital. He said I might want to come with him, because a relative of mine was at the hospital and wasn’t doing well. But at this point, I had decided I’d had enough of living like a Pretty Little Liar. So I said, “Not today, Satan! I mean, Wren!” and shut the door in his face.