My friend’s boyfriend has made uncomfortable advances towards me. I don’t want to tell my friend because she is really insecure and this is her first boyfriend. I couldn’t be less interested (I think he’s gay…) but I need to get control of this situation. How should I handle it?
I actually handled a similar situation for a couple just yesterday. Simply stated, state it simply:
“I find your advances toward me both uncomfortable and inappropriate and would really appreciate if you would stop them immediately. ________(insert name of your female friend) is a friend of mine. How do you think she would feel if she knew you were hitting on me?” If he makes light of your remark, then say, “Well, should you tell her or shall I?” and pull out your cell phone and start to dial.
He needs to know that you mean business and that it is not okay for him to hit on you behind his girlfriend’s back. Giggling at his inappropriate remarks when he hits on you only encourages a guy. They think that when we laugh, we like what they are doing; when it typically means we are nervous or don’t know how to handle a situation properly. Laughing something off is a usual defense mechanism in women, but men interpret it as though we really like what they are doing. Since men and women communicate differently, it is up to us to make it clear that we mean business.