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Your Boyfriend is Hitting on Me!

My friend’s boyfriend has made uncomfortable advances towards me. I don’t want to tell my friend because she is really insecure and this is her first boyfriend. I couldn’t be less interested (I think he’s gay…) but I need to get control of this situation. How should I handle it? 

I actually handled a similar situation for a couple just yesterday. Simply stated, state it simply:

“I find your advances toward me both uncomfortable and inappropriate and would really appreciate if you would stop them immediately. ________(insert name of your female friend) is a friend of mine. How do you think she would feel if she knew you were hitting on me?” If he makes light of your remark, then say, “Well, should you tell her or shall I?” and pull out your cell phone and start to dial. 

He needs to know that you mean business and that it is not okay for him to hit on you behind his girlfriend’s back. Giggling at his inappropriate remarks when he hits on you only encourages a guy. They think that when we laugh, we like what they are doing; when it typically means we are nervous or don’t know how to handle a situation properly. Laughing something off is a usual defense mechanism in women, but men interpret it as though we really like what they are doing. Since men and women communicate differently, it is up to us to make it clear that we mean business.  

Dr. Fayr Barkley, PhD. is a Human Behavior Researcher, based in Beverly Hills, CA. She is the foremost world expert on the Cougar/Cub dating dynamic as well as general human behavioral issues and patterns. Her 20+ years of doctoral research and interviews with thousands of people from all walks of life, ethnicities and social/economic backgrounds has earned her expert status on ABC News, CNN, The Examiner, Ezine Articles, Helium.com, More.com, as well as numerous interviews with the foreign and domestic press. She is a former CBS News correspondent, award winning PBS producer/director and was the on camera relationship expert on the hit television series “Blind Date” for six seasons. She operates the dating site www.CougarInternational.com and is currently co-executive producing a television dating game show that will be aired in 135 U.S. markets and seen in over 44 million households. Her 1990 Ph.D. doctoral project, ”Childhood Psychosexual Imprinting and the Effects it Has on Adult Male and Female Relationships Specific to the Older Woman/Younger Man Bond” is the basis of her expertise in imprinting makes her a true authority in this field. Dr. Barkley is sought out as a public speaker, consultant, adviser and relationship expert to the news media, legal profession, psychological profession and individuals who want to learn “what’s behind the curtain” of human behavioral patterns.