Pretty Little Liars Recap: Season 2, Episode 1

Pretty Little Liars is an epic show.  It has murder and mayhem, love and betrayal, stylish outfits and hot guys, all set to a trendy abc family soundtrack!  Add in the fact that you can barely see anything on the screen because it’s so dark all the time (electric lighting and the sun don’t exist in PLL world) and this may just be the best thing on television today.  If you’re anything like me, you’re dying to discuss the Season 2 premiere… so let’s recap!
 
We return to PLL right where we left off last season—with the girls outside the church where Ian and Spencer duked it out and he (supposedly) died.  Of course, none of the liars can ever get a break, so Ian’s body mysteriously disappeared and now the police are mad.  Aria, Emily, Spencer and Hanna need to go to the police station for questioning, and Garrett (Jenna’s creepy policeman boyfriend) says he is driving them there.
 
He actually drives them to a creepy alley.
 
Given everything else that’s happened to them, the PLLs are less freaked out than the rest of us would be in this situation.  They get out of the car and Garrett tells them that they must not—under any circumstances—tell the police that they and Garrett have been blackmailing Ian with the peeping-Tom videos he was making (apparently, getting busted for blackmail is the worst possible scenario… okay, Garrett).  They get back in the car and drive to the police station, but not before we get a glimpse of Jenna standing outside the alley by herself.  Weird.
 
Back at Spencer’s house after questioning, the Pretty Little Parents confront their daughters.  According to the parents, the girls are in deep doo-doo for “lying” about Ian, and they should see a grief counselor because it will look good to the police.  The girls are angry and hurt that their parents don’t believe their story (because they’ve been so truthful before). During the whole, “YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME?” “WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU” conversation, Toby stops by to see Spencer.  Spencer’s dad, who I don’t remember ever seeing before, steps in, telling Toby that if he really cares about Spencer he’ll stay away from her for the sake of her reputation.  Ouch.
 
We suddenly see Garrett and Jenna in a car—Garrett’s afraid that someone will find about the “Jason thing.”  Jason is Allison’s brother, but that’s all we know about the situation.  Jenna tells him to chill and that no one is going to find out. Someone moves in a window that they’re watching.  It’s all very cryptic.
 
School the next day: Aria’s mom tells her that she’s moving back in with the family.  She says she’s ready to come home.  Aria is thrilled, but her good mood doesn’t last long.  Unfortunately she has to go to English class even though she’s mad at her boyfriend/teacher.  Awk.
 
In Ezra’s classroom, someone has drawn a hangman on the board and written “L__ A R __” underneath. Subtle.  You think we don’t know how to spell?  I would win that hangman game in a sec—oh.  I get it now.  As Ezra erases the vicious piece of tomfoolery, Noel Kahn arrives at the classroom.  Apparently his suspension is over and he’s back with a vengeance.  He sits down next to Aria, gives her that creepy reptilian smile of his, and says, “Miss me?”  Remember when we used to think this guy was nice?  And then we thought he was A?  And then we… oh, I give up.
 
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In the hallway after class, a group of mean girls is gossiping about the PLLs right in front of Hanna.  The worst part?  They are actually making eye contact with her while talking about her.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen that happen.  Luckily, Mona arrives and calls the girls out on it, saying, “I don’t know what’s more pathetic… People who gossip, or people who listen to gossip?”  She and Hanna then have a conversation about how much fun they used to have before Hanna reunited with Aria, Spencer and Emily.  Mona is annoying and I still don’t understand why she is a character.
 
In a different part of the hallway, Aria and Spencer watch Noel talk it up with his old friends. They wonder how he could be so evil and still be so popular.  Ezra calls Aria into his classroom and he tries to get her to talk about what happened with Ian.  She shuts him down.  He apologizes about Jackie.  She shuts him down again.  He says he’s still in love with her.  Aria shuts him down again.  He asks if they are over, she says she doesn’t know. Final score: Aria: 4, Ezra: 0.
 
Spencer goes to Toby’s house, but surprise! Jenna opens the door.  She tells Spencer that the parents want her to leave.  I wonder if Jenna and Toby really have parents or if Jenna killed them and ate them, as they have never made an appearance on the show.
 

Emily is watching the video of Jenna sexually harassing Toby when a strange man shows up in the doorway of her room.  It turns out to be the realtor who will be showing their house (Emily is moving soon to be with her dad).  He looks around Emily’s room, telling her what she should put away before visitors come to look at the house.  Emily feels sad that he wants to paint over the chart on the wall showing how much she’s grown over the years.
 
Back at Spencer’s, her sister Melissa is home from the hospital and absolutely devastated by Ian’s disappearance.  Garret the policeman is there and explains the many ways the police are trying to find Ian. Before he leaves, he gives Melissa her cell phone, which he says was at the church.  Melissa freaks out at Spencer and says she doesn’t want Spencer near her unborn child.  Spencer tells Melissa again that Ian is dead.  Family infighting ensues and Spencer leaves in a huff, wondering why NOBODY EVER BELIEVES HER, GOSHDARNIT!
 
Caleb is back in Rosewood with Lucas.  Lucas tells him not to hurt Hanna again, or something like that.  I wasn’t really paying attention because I was too busy thinking that Caleb is awesome and Lucas closely resembles a gnome.
 
Meanwhile, the PLLs are at their first grief counseling session… all together.  Their therapist is a stylish woman named Anne who tells them that they can be truthful with her because she is sworn to confidentiality.  Anne is so convincing(ly stylish) that the girls almost tell her what really happened after Alison’s death!  But then they all get texts and, thinking that the texts are from A, decide to leave. 
 
The therapist is like, “Whaat?” because I’m pretty sure that she’s thinking what I’m thinking: the Pretty Little Parents are paying a hefty sum for their kids to go to five minutes of therapy.  Outside, Spencer sees Toby, but he’s just picking up Jenna.  Awk.  The girls see the day’s newspaper, proclaiming that Ian’s car was found with $10,000 in it.  The new theory is that Ian left town and the girls made up their story about his death to keep the truth from getting out.  A text from A arrives, and the PLLs once again read it perfectly in unison:  “I spy a liar.”
 
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Hanna gets home to find Caleb sitting with her mother.  He looks at her all sexy-like and smiles, which freaks her out.  He tells her about the letter he wrote her and how Mona ripped it up.  He felt alone until he met Hanna.  He loves Hanna.  He plays the damaged past and loveless childhood cards, but she still tells him to leave, as she will never forget that he used her.  This is hands down the saddest moment in the show.   I dare you not to scream, “NOOOOOO!” I know I did, and I watched it three times.  Hanna cries, but her makeup doesn’t run.  Another PLL miracle.
 

Hanna goes to a restaurant, knowing by what I assume is some kind of ESP that Mona will be there. She yells at her about the letter, saying that Mona has hurt her more than Caleb ever did. BURN!  Noel Kahn shows up and kisses Mona… I guess they’re an item now?  Prepare to be grossed out when this happens.  It seems unnatural.
 
Over at Spencer’s, Spencer is getting ready to meet Toby at Emily’s house.  Melissa shows up and apologizes for the outburst earlier.  As a make-up secret, she tells Spencer that she and Ian chose the name “Taylor” for the baby.  Melissa asks Spencer to tell her the story about Ian again, saying she doesn’t believe that Ian left town because he wanted the baby and would NEVER LEAVE HER.  I guess the explanation that Ian was a psycho who was willing to kill his fiancé’s own sister is more appealing than the thought that he just didn’t like Melissa too much.  But who am I to judge?
 
At Emily’s, Toby is disappointed that Spencer can no longer come, but it opens up the timeslot for a heartwarming conversation between Toby and Emily. They discuss how Emily always knew she was different (read: gay), and how even though she tried to hide it, Toby still knew.  Both agree that they will be friends forever.  It’s adorable.
 
Aria goes to Ezra’s apartment. He opens the door and doesn’t have a shirt on, because Aria is “early.”  Sure, Ezra.  Likely story.  The view of his abs is magical for me, but Aria doesn’t seem to think so.  Once again I am shocked by the fact that she just goes to his apartment and nobody ever sees. 
 
Aria tells Ezra that things still feel different between them, and he offers to answer any question to prove he is truthful.  She asks him questions about his relationship with Jackie.  He reveals that he was still in love with Jackie when he met Aria.  Aria is very upset.  He tries to get her back, telling her that he loves her and is completely over Jackie.  She thanks him for being honest, then leaves.  Aria: 5, Ezra: 0.
 
As Aria is leaving the apartment, she gets a text from A with a picture of the inside of Ezra’s apartment, asking, “What’s missing?”  She looks under the doormat outside his apartment and realizes that the key is gone.  OH SNAP!  Knew she should been a little sneakier!
 
The PLLs figure out that A must have followed Aria.  Emily says that they should tell the therapist about what’s happened because she doesn’t want to be sitting next to them at another funeral.  According to PLL logic, telling the therapist will somehow make everything better, even though she can’t tell anyone anything.  They decide to tell her and show her the videos that Ian made.
 
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At Anne’s office, Hanna asks again if Anne is allowed to repeat anything the girls say. She answers that she can only reveal what they said in therapy if she thinks they are a danger to themselves or others.  It seems obvious to me that the PLLs are more than a danger to themselves and others, but I guess they don’t think of themselves that way.  They take out the video and are about to show it to her when… Spencer sees Ezra’s college diploma on the wall!  It is A’s message to the girls that he/she knows they were considering revealing information to Anne.  Hanna takes the diploma (skills acquired in her shoplifting days) and they leave, once again having only attended five minutes of therapy.
 
At Aria’s house, Aria’s parents tell her that Anne has made a recommendation: the PLLs should spend some time apart, as they are no longer capable of a healthy friendship.  We get to see a montage of all the girls finding out this information while Jar of Hearts plays in the background. 
 
Later, Spencer is home alone when she sees someone outside her house.  Thinking it is one of the many people who are out to get her, she freaks out, turning out all the lights and hiding behind the kitchen counter with a knife.  The intruder turns out to be Toby.  Though he is easily the show’s sweetest character, he does pick the creepiest entrances every time.
 
Meanwhile, Anne the therapist is leaving her office.  It’s dark (but what else is new?) and we get the distinct feeling that something terrible is going to happen to her.  But then nothing bad happens.  She gets into her car and drives away.  It’s the most anticlimactic moment of the episode.
 

After Toby leaves, Spencer hears Melissa’s phone ring and looks at it.  It’s a text from a blocked number that says, “Melissa, I’m sorry but it’s not safe yet. I can’t tell you.”
 
At an emergency meeting of the PLLs, they have the following conversation with the blocked number:
Unknown: Melissa, I’m sorry but it’s not safe yet.  I can’t tell you.
PLLs: How do I know this is you?
Unknown: Ask me anything.
PLLs: What are we naming our baby?
Unknown: Taylor.
 
DUN DUN DUN.
 
Ian is alive!
 
As usual, at the end of the episode we get a glimpse of what A is up to.  This time, he/she is at Emily’s house, being shown around by the realtor.  On Emily’s laptop, a file is being deleted: the home movies that Ian made!  Oh, darn.  Another important piece of the PLL puzzle gone.  Now no one will EVER believe them!

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