The opinions expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
Over two years ago, I was sexually assaulted. During my freshman year of college, I got too intoxicated one night and I was held down and forced to have intercourse without my consent. I was raped, and I’m not ashamed to say that. Or at least not until today. Many people told me that it was my fault, that I was “too flirty,” or that I drank too much, or that I was wearing promiscuous clothing. It bothered me at first and at one point I actually believed that. How could I let someone do this to me? But that wasn’t a healthy way to look at it; I wouldn’t have survived if I kept that mentality. So I had to convince myself that this wasn’t my fault, it was his. Since my rape, I have helped other people like me who have gone through similar situations. I am a stronger person because of what I have been through and I have come to terms with it. It took me two years to finally be able to call myself a “survivor,” but that’s what I am. I have worked hard to get to where I am today, and I thought nothing could change that.
Then Trump came along. At first I thought it was a joke. Who could vote for someone who makes fun of people with disabilities, talks about grabbing women “by the p****y,” plans to diminish LGBTQA+ rights that they have fought so hard for and wants to deport immigrants that have earned their rights as citizens? I didn’t think it was possible for anyone to actually support him. All this stuff about Trump was horrible, but what really stuck out to me was when he talked about going into the changing room of teenagers, or having sex with someone underage or under the influence. That hit close to home. Because I am someone that has been through a similar situation. I am a rape survivor. Trump is a rapist. I claimed numerous times that he ran as a joke and didn’t think he would make it this far so now he’s just winging it. I was never truly scared of Trump becoming president because I didn’t think America would stoop to such a level. I was wrong, and I am ashamed of my country right now.
Tonight, Trump was elected as the 45th president of the United States of America. Some people celebrated, some people were scared or upset, but me? I cried. I sat in my bed and I cried for hours on end, gasping for air. I was in disbelief. How could this horrible person become the face of this country? I thought America was better than that. This man, who is known for mocking the disabled, who demeans and sexualizes women, who wants to end LGBTQA+ rights, and who is undeniably racist has become the next president. As horrible as all those things were, the one that hit me the hardest was that he’s a rapist. He has openly admitted to his acts of sexual encounters with women. How could my fellow citizens vote for someone like this?
I am a rape survivor. I will yell that at the top of my lungs on the tallest building. That is something I am proud of, not because I was raped, but because I am a stronger person because of it. I have spent two years trying to be okay with this, and I finally am okay with it. I’m at a point of my life where I am okay with who I am, even after being used for my body. I am not ashamed of being raped, I have come to terms with is and I am okay with it. But not tonight I am not okay. Thanks to Donald Trump, I feel defeated, I feel weak, I feel ashamed for my country and I feel scared for the next four years. How am I supposed to be okay with something like this? A rapist is going to be the face of our country, please tell me how I’m supposed to be okay with this because I can’t seem to wrap my head around it.
My rape does not define me. I am a smart, passionate, young lady with a bright future ahead of me, and I know that. I have never let my rape define me as a person, because I know I am so much more than one thing that happened to me. But tonight? All I can think about is that one night in that unfamiliar dorm. That one night that I was taken advantage of. I think about the other men and women who have experienced what I have gone through, and how they are feeling. A president is someone the children of our nation are supposed to look up to. How could anything look up to this man? A man that has put people in situations like mine. How can anyone be okay with this, even proud? I have always been proud to be an American, not tonight, not for the next four years.