We’re back for another week of questionable wardrobe and life choices and this time Becca and the boys are headed to Thailand! Tbh we all deserve a trip to Thailand, or at least, like, Miami, for putting up with Becca talking about Arie every week. Yup, it’s the second to last episode and she STILL can’t get his name out of her mouth. But since she’s so in love with two guys and falling in love with another (actual quote) we’re just gonna gloss over that. Arie who?
Blake is first because he’s the best—obviously—and Becca couldn’t wait to go on a date with him. Apparently they haven’t seen each other in two weeks! It’s like those middle school couples that would flip out when they couldn’t hang over Spring Break since one of their families was going to Cancun and the other one was stuck in Paris. Tragic.
Anyway, Becca and Blake go hiking! It’s perfect for Becca because she has to prepare herself for her career of being a LA lifestyle blogger and promoting some indie sports bra brand on Insta. It’s less perfect for Blake because they’re hiking in a sacred forest where they’re not allowed to touch AT ALL. Seriously. What do the producers have against Blake?
Becca: OMG there’s so much culture here. We don’t have sacred forests in Minnesota!
Blake: Yeah I love not being able to touch you and just making polite conversation, that’s why I signed up for this show.
They go to a temple, where a monk talks to them about traditional Thai relationship values, number one being don’t look for a husband on a reality show. JK, it’s honesty.
Becca: There is something so cultural about monks. There is so much culture here in Thailand. There are so many cultures in this yogurt.
Take a shot every time Becca says culture, or don’t if you want to make it to next week’s episode. Our boy Chris Harrison is promising MAJOR drama, so you def want to stick around!
Blake basically BOLTS out of the forest after they leave the temple. Yeah, this is not what he signed up for.
At dinner, Blake is, like, just realizing that Becca is talking to other guys. And by talking I mean seriously considering getting engaged to them. He’s not taking this well to say the least. Blake may have major BDE (actual facts based on a very legit twitter poll, don’t @ me) but he’s also low-key insecure about Garrett. I don’t think he’s worried about Jason. No one is worried about Jason.
Becca is super into him, though, and she tells him that things are going almost too perfectly and nothing has gone wrong yet. Blake is like, that’s a good thing, though.
Becca: Knock on wood.
Becca: *knocks on metal*
Becca: That is not wood.
Well, you can say a lot of things about Becca, but you can’t say she’s not smart! Of course she gives Blake a fantasy suite key, and he’s super chill about it.
Blake: HELL YEAH. I mean, wow, this is so meaningful.
The next few minutes are just low key awkward because you’re just thinking about how far the producers will let this go before they kick the camera crew out and cut to the next morning.
Becca wakes up with a full face of makeup and LASHES. Idk what’s more unrealistic, the fact that we’re supposed to believe that Becca and Blake haven’t done this before the fantasy suite or that Becca sleeps in fake eyelashes. I know a girl who fell asleep with lashes on once and one of them ended up stuck on the ceiling, so IDK about the physics of Becca’s staying perfectly aligned overnight.
Yikes, Jason. Not gonna lie, I almost pulled a Becca and called him ‘Jack’ just now. Yup, the guy whose name she forgot in Week 3 is still around. You’d think he would, like, have a hunch he’s not exactly a frontrunner, right? Nope, and things get very uncomfortable on their date.
They head to an outdoor market and confuse tf out of everyone there who’s actually trying to mind their own business. If you thought the buffalo chicken wing eating contest was bad, prepare to watch Becca and Jason eat a bunch of big, juicy crickets. Sorry Jason, nothing screams “we’re just friends” like shoveling dead bugs in your face in front of a guy. Also, Becca is wearing a GIANT green ring. Like I straight up thought there was a big frog on her hand or something. Can someone please check in with her stylist?
Later, Becca casually mentions something about her future with Jason and straight up has A VISION that he’s not the right guy for her. Like, she straight up excused herself from the date like he’d just told her he was a virgin or something. Really, girl? You needed divine intervention to tell you that the one whose name you can’t even remember maybe isn’t the man you should marry? Just check Twitter next time.
Becca’s conversation with Jason later that night is all kinds of awkward. She could literally set off fireworks that spell out BOY BYE and he still would not get the message.
Becca: Idk if you’re the one…
Jason: I’m feeling good. I had a great day with Becca. Our relationship has been taken to the next level. I see a best friend. A wife. A mother. A grandmother.
Becca: It’s time for you to leave.
Jason: So what time should I pick the kids up from soccer practice?
Needless to say, Jason does NOT get a key to a fantasy suite and Becca has to drink all that champagne by herself, which I’m sure she was super torn up about.
Fun Fact: Jason showed up again later in the episode to give Becca an actual SCRAPBOOK of their entire relationship. How tf did he find time to scrapbook during the show? Was he, like, running to Michael’s for craft supplies while the other guys were roasting Colton for being a virgin? Who knows.
Becca and Garrett get on a bamboo raft and start paddling down a river like its nbd and they totally know where they’re going. I half expected Blake to pop out from behind a swamp plant and push Garrett off the raft, like, “she’s mine!” and just take over the date from there. No such luck. They pretend to be completely surprised by the fact that it’s a national holiday and the river is super crowded as if the producers definitely didn’t plan that. The raft almost capsizes and those were the most exciting 30 seconds of Garrett, ever.
At dinner, Garrett makes sure Becca knows that he has already thoroughly planned out their future. He did roll up in a mini-van outfitted with snacks for their kids, remember?
Garrett: My job is really mobile so I could definitely relocate to LA so you can go to makeup launch parties and sell those gummy bear things for your hair.
Becca: I love you.
Ofc Mr. First Impression Rose gets a key to a fantasy suite. Their suite is basically a tree house and you can tell Garrett feels low-key cheated because they’re usually, well, super nice hotel suites. Tbh this totally goes against Garrett’s whole “I love the outdoors” profile on the ABC website, but I guess the truth had to come out at some point.
Garrett: I love the outdoors. I’m a true outdoorsman!
Also Garrett: Um, is this… glamping?
The next morning, Becca seems way more chill with Garrett than she did with Blake. Like, Blake had barely opened his eyes and Becca was like “SO WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT NOW?” Garrett and Becca have coffee and talk for a little and idk, as much as she likes Blake it’s becoming very clear that she thinks Garrett is husband material. Okay, yeah, Blake does have more guy-you-went-out-with-sophomore-year vibes, but that doesn’t mean he can’t have potential! Right, Becca?
Tune in next week for the ultimate Bachelorette showdown: Medical Sales Rep vs. Beer Sales Rep!