When Charlie Sheen started waxing poetic on winning and tiger blood and his goddesses, we all knew his career as a sort-of-sane person was dead. What we didn’t know was that his most famous character, Charlie Harper on Two and a Half Men, would soon be dead as well.
Deadline reported Monday that the Season 9 premiere of Two and a Half Men will begin with Sheen’s character’s funeral, leading to his beach house being put up for sale. Ashton Kutcher, who officially joined the cast of the show in May, will play one of the potential buyers (hm… I wonder which potential buyer will win out?).
According to the LA Times, CBS’s Entertainment President Nina Tassler announced in a press conference that Kutcher will play Walden Schmidt, “an Internet billionaire with a broken heart.” Sounds juicy.
Tassler also hinted that Sheen’s character’s death was an act of revenge by the show’s creator Chuck Lorre, says the New York Times. Sheen released a letter to TMZ in April targeting Lorre, calling him a “sad silly fool,” a “nut-less sociopath” and a “spineless rat,” among other niceties.
“NO CHARLIE SHEEN. NO SHOW,” Sheen wrote at the end of the letter, proving once again that people who talk about themselves in the third person are on a one-way street to crazytown.
Lorre showed that Sheen was disposable when he hired Kutcher in May. Kutcher has previous sitcom experience from his younger days, when he played the idiotic but loveable Michael Kelso on That 70’s Show.
“I can’t wait to get to work with this ridiculously talented 2.5 team and I believe we can fill the stage with laughter that will echo in viewers’ homes,” Kutcher said in a May press release. “I can’t replace Charlie Sheen but I’m going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people!”
No, you certainly can’t replace Charlie Sheen, Ashton. In fact, please don’t.