Gen Z has always been emotionally affected by nostalgia, and Blue’s Clues Steve’s return is just the latest example. Last week, a short video was shared by Nick Jr. on Twitter of Blue’s Clues first host, Steve Burns, explaining why he abruptly disappeared 20 years ago.
“I left and we didn’t see each other for like a really long time. Can we just talk about that?” he says in the video, which has since been viewed over 37 million times.
In what felt like his absence, he went to college and experienced other aspects of life and its challenges. “I literally am doing many of the things that I wanted to do and then look at you and look at all you have done and all you have accomplished in all that time and it’s just…it’s just so amazing, right?” Steve then turns the conversation back to us. “And I wanted to tell you that I really couldn’t have done all of that without your help.”
As part of Gen Z, I watched reruns of Blue’s Clues as a child and became disinterested when its original host (and my friend, mind you), played by Steve Burns, stopped being in all the episodes. I turned to other shows instead because I couldn’t see my friend anymore.
Steve’s abrupt leave from the children’s television show is reminiscent of unexplained friendship breakups.
I know I’m not alone as Steve Burns’ reappearance on the internet struck a chord with Blue’s Clues fans across all ages. The internet reaction involved elated welcome-backs and teary-eyed solace at his return and words of affirmation.
People may have reacted this way because of the all-too-common phenomenon of ghosting, when someone cuts off all forms of communication without explanation. Steve’s abrupt leave from the children’s television show is reminiscent of unexplained friendship breakups. Now that Steve provided context, we know the reasons behind the split. We don’t always get that with friends.
Breakups are hard enough as is, but something about friendship breakups can be so painful and confusing.
Sammi, 27, shares her experience with losing friendships to Her Campus. “I don’t think I go into dating expecting anything in the long run — you just can’t know. But when you’re friends with someone for so long, or you live with someone and spend so much time with them they really become your family. They know more about you than just about anybody, they’re the person you go to when you’re hurt, or confused, or bored. And then they’re just gone.”
“Your friend is the person you go to when you’re hurt, or confused, or bored. And then they’re just gone.”
Unlike romantic relationships, it can be more realistic to expect several life-long platonic relationships with friends. That lack of pressure can make people assume that friendships take less work, but that’s not necessarily true. A study published in 1985 found that women often experience high levels of emotional intimacy in friendships. With that vulnerability, whether intentional or not, comes the potential to cause harm. When someone hurts you, it can be difficult to want to open up to them again. Therefore, you might never know how you hurt someone if they do not communicate with you.
Pain can continue even after the loss of contact. “I wish I could stop thinking about it, but every now and again I look at something that reminds me of one of them, or remember that they gave me a little figurine I still have on my shelf, and it’s like the wound reopens. [Being ghosted by close friends was] so unbelievably unexpected that looking back on it drives me crazy wondering how the hell we got here,” Sammi tells Her Campus.
When friendships end suddenly via ghosting, like Steve’s disappearance, the confusion can be hauntingly painful — especially for a young child watching Blue’s Clues every day. It can leave you with questions such as, “Am I not a good friend?,” “Did our time together mean nothing to them?” and the insecurity-inspiring, “Am I memorable enough as a person?”
When friendships end suddenly via ghosting, the confusion can be hauntingly painful.
Sammi shares how troubling getting ghosted can be in real life. “Having had it happen so many times, you start to wonder what the problem with you is – and it took a really long time for me to realize that, despite what it feels like, it’s not on me that this happened. But even though I know that, it still drives me crazy wondering what went wrong each time.”
Of course, none of us really knew Steve from Blue’s Clues. He was just a man on our screen. But our young minds saw him as our first real friend, and so his disappearance felt like our first real friendship breakup. That’s why it was such a relief to hear him say, “I guess I wanted to say that after all these years I never forgot you…ever and I’m super glad we’re still friends.”
Steve explicitly resolves the audience of any blame to the separation. He explained that he left for himself and is grateful for the audience’s time and support. Now, why can’t friends say this to us?
Steve explained that he left for himself and is grateful for the audience’s time and support. Now, why can’t friends say this to us?
Each friendship has its own nuances, so broad advice can only go so far. But Sammi shares, “I don’t think I’d put any more effort into a relationship that the other person doesn’t seem to care about any more than I did.” Maybe your ex-friend will come back into your life, maybe they won’t.
It’s important to cherish your friends while you have them. Learn their love languages! Extend your help when you can! Allow them the space to work through their own problems. Even if your ex-friend doesn’t give you closure, you can forgive yourself.
Study Referenced:
Williams, D.G. (1985). Gender, masculinity-femininity, and emotional intimacy in same-sex friendship. Sex Roles.