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‘The Bachelorette’ Recap: It’s All About Chad

Is it just me or has this season officially gone off the rails? Last night’s episode was filled with blood, manchild arguments and -gasms you never even knew existed.

First of all, Chad left his plate of luncheon meat sitting out all night, confirming his role as this season’s villain (and perhaps the most unapologetic villain this show has ever seen). Yes, I got all this from the throwaway shot of Chad’s meat-littered plate sitting on the kitchen counter.

At the beginning of this episode, Chad and Daniel were best friends. Oh, if they had only known how the tables would turn.

Chad says things like, “We’re kissing. We’re flowing.” Why is this guy still single?

Remember Chase? He’s that perfectly harmless cutie whose name, when said aloud, makes you think for a hot second that someone is mentioning Chad again.

Anger-gasm is not a word I needed to know; therefore, I have already forgotten what it means.

During their one-on-one date, JoJo and Chase screamed and flailed around like four-year-olds whose moms drug them to hot yoga instead of the playground.

Insults were thrown amongst Chad (shocker!), Jordan and Alex when the group date card arrived. That’s when James Taylor stepped in to say Chad should be grateful he’s going on a date with JoJo, proving that he obviously didn’t understand the point of the game these guys were playing.

The sex talks date was the worst thing I have ever had to witness with my dad sitting nearby.

JoJo thinks it’s important to talk about sex in a relationship. But not in front of an audience, right?

Every guy there was clearly calculating the proper age to say he lost his virginity at—young enough to sound cool but not so young they seemed completely creepy. Sixteen was the consensus from what I could tell.

Evan talked about the dangers of roid rage, which has nothing to do with sex…unless it does and I just don’t know it.

Chad got so mad during the group date that he ripped Evan’s shirt. It’s because of the roids that he has the strength to do that, guys. #respect

Chad’s sex stories must be pretty awful for him to do ~that~ instead.

Chad punches doors and points at people in really accusatory ways when he’s angry.

In fact, all of Chad’s “violent tendencies” seem to stem from him pointing his finger at someone. Whoa, dude—watch that thing, all right?

All it takes for Evan to stick around is an almost compliment and a makeout sesh he can tell his kids about as soon as he is kicked off the show.

Angry JoJo is by far my favorite JoJo. Watching her shut Chad down was everything.

We learned two things about James Taylor this week: he is the best goofy dancer, and he feels just the right amount of unlovable to agree to be the next Bachelor.

Daniel gave Chad advice on how to be a better person. (Pause for laughter)

Do you think Chad is selling subscriptions to his diet regimen? Last week it was the luncheon meat. This week, he’s munching on whole sweet potatoes and shards of romaine lettuce by the pool.

The most convoluted round of tattletale I’ve ever seen happened at the end of the episode, with Chris Harrison acting as referee. By the look on his face, I could tell he could NOT care less whether or not Chad rips Evan’s limbs off as promised.

Erin was previously the Entertainment Editor of Her Campus. She graduated from Belmont University in 2015, where she studied English and Elementary Education. Before joining the team full-time, she was a national contributing blogger, viral content writer and editorial intern at HC. In addition to her work for Her Campus, Erin was formerly an editorial assistant at Nfocus Magazine and has been published by HelloGiggles and Man Repeller. In her free time, you can find Erin falling for yet another TV boyfriend (her long list of ex-lovers includes Nathan Scott, Chuck Bass and Pacey Witter, to name a few), reading chick lit and/or celeb memoirs and hanging with her puppy/soulmate, Cooper.