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‘The Bachelorette’ Recap: Don’t Poke the Chad

Picking up where we left off with Monday night’s episode, Chad is angry, desperate and alone.

Evan heard nothing Chad said during his “apology” because he just wants a new shirt—hopefully not like any of the others he’s been wearing.

Pool noodles were Chad’s latest victim, and it could only get worse from there. Yes, you guessed it: he kicked a flamingo float in the head. Vicious.

When Chad gets especially mad, he likes to play with roots and twigs in patches of tall grass, not unlike a panda.

Chad tried to go after Jim Halpert next, but he was having none of it. Way to stand up for yourself, Derek.

I do not for a second believe that Chad was actually hovering over Derek and JoJo as they kissed. This is what we in the biz like to call “spliced footage.”

There was a rose ceremony toward the beginning of the episode, which threw me off for the rest of the evening. In other news, no one cared who JoJo sent home.

I am starting a fundraising campaign to buy Jordan a barrette that is powerful enough to contain his flapping hair. Please contribute whatever you can.

Luke and JoJo went on a hot tub date, which was just like the hot tub date Ben and Lauren went on last season but apparently this season’s water was much hotter.

The temperature of this water caused Luke to grab JoJo’s butt in a really uncomfortable way.

No matter how hard this show tries I am just never going to care about sports or sporty group dates. I only watch for the random injuries (looking at you, JT).

Speaking of, James Taylor looked like he’d been in a much more serious accident than one that could’ve happened on that football field. What was he doing? And why couldn’t anyone wipe the dried blood off his face?

Robby and JoJo made out on a pool table. *already forgetting who Robby is*

Just when Jordan was starting to fall for JoJo, Chad threatened to hunt him down after the show ends. If Chad has indeed already done so, I can’t wait to see how they handle that at the Men Tell All.

Chad confronted the guys again and begged a few of them to take it outside with him. I have to wonder what would have happened if at least one of them agreed.

There was LOTS of back and forth between JoJo, Chad and Alex on the two-on-one date. I’ll leave you with these gems:

“Life ain’t all blueberries and paper airplanes, you know?” – Chad

“Hays are in the barn, dude. Pigs are in the castle.” – also Chad

Now we have to wait TWO whole weeks to see what happened after Chad walked all night in the dark to knock on that door.

Erin was previously the Entertainment Editor of Her Campus. She graduated from Belmont University in 2015, where she studied English and Elementary Education. Before joining the team full-time, she was a national contributing blogger, viral content writer and editorial intern at HC. In addition to her work for Her Campus, Erin was formerly an editorial assistant at Nfocus Magazine and has been published by HelloGiggles and Man Repeller. In her free time, you can find Erin falling for yet another TV boyfriend (her long list of ex-lovers includes Nathan Scott, Chuck Bass and Pacey Witter, to name a few), reading chick lit and/or celeb memoirs and hanging with her puppy/soulmate, Cooper.
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