My boyfriend’s mother thinks I tell him what to do. Yet it is not the truth, we are in a long distance relationship; he lives at home after college. I am always asking his opinion and letting him do whatever he wants. I don’t text more than 3 or 4 times during the day and I rarely call him. Why do you think this is happening?
If this indeed is really happening, maybe it is your boyfriend who is telling her his behavior is due to you. If I were you, I’d ask her to give you some specific examples of what he is doing that she attributes to your influence and then also ask her where she is getting the idea that you are the one responsible for his actions. If you find that he is not the one influencing her thoughts about you, then you may want to take a look at her personality type. Is she the type who projects who she is onto others and then attributes those things to other people? In other words, does she really tell him what to do and can’t assume responsibility for it being her so she projects or attributes this trait of behavior onto you instead? Is it possible she is jealous of your relationship with him as she fears losing her baby boy to another woman, so she says these things to you in an effort to get you to spend less time and attention on him?
I think I’d also discuss this with your boyfriend and ask him why he thinks his mother is blaming you for his actions. Ask him if he is telling her his actions are really your idea. Here’s the upshot: if you were not in his life, would he continue acting the way he acts, and would she need to find someone else to blame it on?
It can be a very fine line of balancing between a mother and her son and a struggle to endeavor to stand up for yourself and at the same time not come between them. You may want to tell her that while you understand she has a concern, that your boyfriend is his own man and makes his own decisions. However, if your detective work in this situation really does suggest that you are being a bit too pushy and he is complaining to his mom about it because he is afraid to confront you directly, then you’ll need to take an honest look at yourself and make some changes. It’s often difficult for us to see ourselves through the eyes of others, but very valuable in terms of understanding our effect on people.