We’ve all had our situations where our significant other didn’t speak the same love language as us, right? I mean, everyone is very different with all the ways they show their love for people.
My love language is quality time. I think spending time with people is the way I’ve always shown my love and I prefer people to spend time with me to show me theirs, but that’s not always how it works. My ex’s love language was physical touch, but that wasn’t always something I wanted. Sometimes, I didn’t want his arm around me or feeling like he was literally on top of me. Sometimes, I just wanted to be next to him without touching him. I didn’t speak his love language and he didn’t speak mine, which made it a bit harder to communicate our love for each other. So, here’s a crash course on how to improve speaking your partner’s love language.
First off, there are five different love languages. They are: quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, gift-giving, and acts of service. Don’t know which one is yours? Take this quiz!
Quality time is essentially the act of spending time together, doing random things, even just running errands. Words of affirmation is the act of praising and complimenting your partner and wanting praise and encouragement back. Physical touch is the act of someone touching you as a sense of comfort and love, which could include hugs, kisses on the cheek and holding hands. Gift-giving isn’t always about buying gifts per se, it’s more about giving the other person something that reminds you of them, even if it was something like a pretty seashell that you saw on the beach. Acts of service is when you like to help people out by helping them with a project, or cooking for them, or even something like making sure they have hot cocoa after a hard, long day.
Now that we’ve talked about what each language is, ask your partner what their love language is. If they don’t know, then send them the quiz that’s linked above. Depending on what they say, and on what your love language is, there will be some ways that you both will need to compromise in order to communicate effectively.
If their love language is quality time, and yours is anything else, make sure to spend more time with them. Even if you just invite them to go to Target with you, they’ll be happy just to be with you. Of course, your love language is still valid, but this is where you have to meet your partner.
If their love language is words of affirmation, and yours is anything else, make sure you tell your partner that you love them, that you appreciate them. Praise them when they’re having a hard day. I know for some people, it’s hard to be vocal, especially when you’re not used to it, but your partner speaks this language and sometimes to actually be able to talk to each other, you’ll have to make some sacrifices.
If their love language is physical touch, then you should hold their hand a bit more, or hug them a little bit more. I know the main thing for physical touch is cuddling! Try cuddling with them a bit more often, running your fingers through their hair, etc. Trust me, for people like me who haven’t always been the best with physical touch, it is hard, but it’s worth it to make your partner feel more loved.
If their love language is gift-giving, then try to respond with gifts they’d like. It doesn’t always have to be something expensive or that costs money. It could just be a hoodie that is their favorite and they want. And receive their gifts saying thank you and I love you. Sometimes when you say that you feel bad for them getting you a gift or that you don’t want the gift because you feel guilty, it makes them feel like their gift isn’t being appreciated so they aren’t being appreciated either.
Lastly, if their love language is acts of service, try to do something nice for them too. If they’re having a bad day, make them tea or hot cocoa, and help them relax. If you know they’re having a long day, help them out by washing the dishes and putting them away. Make sure that when they do things for you, you don’t take advantage or forget to say thank you! Acts of service may help show their love, but it’s not for you to take advantage of.
Relationships have always been 50/50. Now you just have to learn to go 50/50 on your love languages too. It may be hard in the beginning, but if you build up the routine and the habit then it only gets easier. I hope this helps you and your partner communicate with your love languages in a way that makes everyone feel loved!