Like many people, I started spending a lot of time alone in March 2020 when COVID-19 began spreading. Since I wasn’t as busy as I had been previously, I was forced to be much more introspective and reflective. For the most part, I have always been mentally healthy, but of course, nobody is perfect. All of this time by myself meant that I paid much more attention to my own self-conscious thoughts, some of which were uncomfortable because I had never addressed them.
I have heard so much about the benefits of journaling and have tried to journal on and off throughout my life. Although I found it somewhat therapeutic, I struggled to do it consistently because it didn’t feel purposeful to me. I rarely reread my journal entries, so I almost felt like I was writing for no reason. I have profound respect for people who journal regularly, but it just wasn’t for me.
Then I found songwriting.
I have always loved music, but as a classically trained pianist, I rarely delved into reading or writing song lyrics. Ironically, after a random, minor social encounter, I thought of lyrics and a melody that I felt encapsulated the feelings that I had just experienced. I wrote them down, and after that, I couldn’t stop coming up with song ideas. The more that I wrote, the deeper the songs became. For example, I wrote a song about feeling helpless when a loved one is struggling and another about feeling overwhelmed after multiple stressful, tragic events. For some reason, through songs I was able to express emotions that I hadn’t been able to articulate in other ways. I recently read Tate McRae’s Spotify biography, which says, “i [sic] write songs because they’re all the things i [sic] never got to say.” Her perspective on songwriting certainly resonated with me.
I didn’t finish writing some of my songs because I already wrote everything that I wanted to say and didn’t feel like they were good enough to keep writing anyway. I don’t pressure myself to complete every song. That’s fine with me because I can decide that a song is for my eyes only and it has done its job. For some reason, writing songs feels purposeful to me, even though I’m the only one who has read most of them. I don’t know why this is, but I think songwriting feels like creating a piece of art, so even if I don’t do anything with the song, writing it is a productive creative exercise. There were also songs that I didn’t finish because they brought up uncomfortable feelings mentally or emotionally. It was too difficult for me to continue writing them at the time, but I hope I’ll be able to revisit them eventually. I’ve also written songs about less intense experiences for fun. Not every song that I write is gut wrenching. I love that this new hobby has so much versatility.
Although I don’t pressure myself to write perfect songs and I experiment a lot, I think my songs are improving. My brother, who is interested in music production, and I have been working on a few songs together, an activity which has been fun for both of us.
The moral of this story isn’t necessarily that you should write songs too (although I’d highly recommend it if you’re interested). It’s that there isn’t a “right” method of self expression. For example, if you don’t enjoy making Instagram-worthy bullet journals, then don’t feel pressured to do so. How you choose to express yourself is a personal decision and you should find activities that you can do consistently.