Growing up split between two cultures made me feel, but after connecting with my birth country I learned how to accept myself
“Our culture is our strength” is a phrase I heard every day in high school, since it was our motto. Yet everyday I found myself asking, “what is MY culture?” I was always told how cool it was that I was born in a different country and spoke a different language until freshman year of college.
The Oxford dictionary defines culture as “the customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or other social group.” The Brazilian way of life was very prominent in my upbringing. I was born there, and although we moved to the States, my family still practices Brazilian customs. We speak Portuguese with each other, cook Brazilian delicacies, and visit as much as we can. Even though I practice these aspects of Brazilian culture at home, I’ve been in the United States for most of my life. I have adopted a lot of American customs like Thanksgiving, Fourth of July and even became a citizen four years ago. Though I don’t consider myself fully ‘American,’ I still experience a slight culture shock every time I go back to Brazil.
Others who’ve grown up teetering between two different cultures at once know it’s tough to find a place where you belong. The only time I felt like I truly fit in was when I was with other kids who were rooted in both Brazilian and American culture. We could bond about our crazy Brazilian childhoods and our wild Brazilian parents while discussing what it’s like navigating life in America. We related in the fact that we could choose whether or not we wanted to feel “more American” or “more Brazilian.”
I have been a self-conscious person, but I still often found myself feeling like I didn’t fit in at school in the U.S.. Many girls were blonde and tall; I’m 5’2 and brunette. People don’t think and act the same way I do with my Brazilian relatives. However, once I started watching more Brazilian movies and tv as well as listening to music, I realized that I loved what made me, me. I learned to love myself on my own terms, through my own culture.
I’ve learned to incorporate more aspects of Brazilian culture into my daily life, and I’ve learned to love my blended cultural roots. The pandemic has really pushed me to do this recently because I haven’t been able to visit Brazil as often as normal. I’ve always spoken Portuguese when I could, and indulged in Brazilian TV and music, but I did so in private. However, I’ve never been more motivated to share it with others as much as I do now. I want to document my next trip to Brazil as much as I can and show my friends at school. I want to join more clubs that connect Brazilians in America to others who identify similarly. We’re all connected to Brazil and most of us have a parent that’s uprooted their life so their children can come study in America. It’s a feeling of understanding I get when I interact with these people, and I don’t always get it when I talk to my American friends.
Although I never know how to answer the classic question, “Where are you from?” without telling my whole life’s story, I’m still so happy that I’ve finally found a place to belong while I’m going to school here. I think through this journey of self-acceptance and self-love, I’ve found people just like me and learned to be grateful for what makes me unique. Not many people can understand being torn between two cultures, and growing up in a place with a lack of outlets to express it. Regardless of where your roots are, that feeling of belonging is unmatched, and I encourage everyone to reach out to people that make you feel at home.