Moving in with your significant other is a big step in your relationship. And not just because you can finally reference the iconic vine “And they were roommates!” in an Instagram caption. No more hanging out at weird times because you are on opposite schedules, tolerating each other’s flatmates for the sake of spending time together and getting to have your favorite person with you all the time can sound like the best thing in the world… until the nerves kick in.
Moving in with my boyfriend was something we seriously thought about for a while before deciding to do it. We have both seen way too many sitcoms where the couple moves in together on a whim and then finds out they are not as compatible as they thought. This was something I anxiously considered as an avid Netflix watcher. Living together is a huge step; we decided to treat it like one.
Having your own space
Before my boyfriend and I started looking for apartments, we agreed that it was important to have somewhere in the apartment where each of us could have our own space. We are both independent people, and although we love spending time together, sometimes you just need some alone time to practice self-care. For us, we are lucky enough to afford a two-bedroom apartment where we use the second bedroom as an office. We use half of the office as his space and the other half as mine. A space in your home does not have to be something as big as an office or a separate room for each of you, it could be as small as a corner where you have a comfy chair you love right next to a bookcase where you keep your favorite books. The space is not as important, rather that it is your space where you can decorate, lounge and do whatever you want there, whenever you want.
Communicating expectations
Another thing that we did before moving in together was to have a conversation about the things we wanted to be sure that we did regularly. For us, we talked a lot about the expectations of keeping our space clean and things that would be okay, and things that would make us upset. For example, how often we wanted to do things like vacuum or whether or not it would be an issue if we left dirty dishes in the sink overnight. Small tasks like this may be something you might think does not warrant a conversation, but I promise it will save so many fights and conversations down the road by having it right away.
Don’t forget to designate time to do special things. You may be neglecting dates more frequently now that you are living together. You might cook together and watch a show every night, but when was the last time you actually went on a date? Life gets busy, and it is important to invest time in your relationship. For my boyfriend and I, it’s usually once every 2 weeks. We will dine in at our favorite restaurant, have a painting night or rent a movie and build a blanket fort. Doing special things will bring you and your significant other closer and will make living together so much fun.
Spending Time Separately
Now as much as you need to spend time together, also spend time apart! Don’t feel pressured to do everything together. I definitely felt bad the first few months for doing things without my boyfriend. We were living together and all… so why wouldn’t we do everything together? Right? Wrong!
Say it with me: DO. NOT. FEEL. BAD. FOR. DOING. THINGS. ALONE.
You and your significant other are two different people. Sure, you might share some interests, but the odds are that there are at least some things that the other does not enjoy doing as much. If you have your heart set on finishing that new craft project, it is totally okay to take time away and do the things you want to do. The same goes for hanging out with friends. Both of you should get comfortable with normalizing living your life separately, together.
When you are living with your significant other, things tend to blend together. You first start to forget who’s silverware is who’s and suddenly, you are comfortable leaving smelly gym shoes in the middle of the living room because you know they will love you anyway. These tips are things I am SO GLAD I did before moving in with my significant other and continue making our relationship stronger.
Best of luck if this step is one you will be taking soon!