Donāt be surprised if you see Kris Jenner dating Pete Wentz or Gerard Way. Thanks to Kim Kardashian possibly dating Pete Davidson, and the recent engagement of everyoneās favorite oldest child, Kourtney Kardashian, the entire Kardashian clan is about to go through its emo phase. And I donāt like it.
Following the coronation of our current emo phase king and queen MGK and Megan Fox in July 2020, the internet broke once again when Kourtney and Blink-182ās Travis Barker went Instagram official in February 2021. Talk about a dream double date scenario, am I right?
As if we were right alongside Kourtney and Travis, we were thrown into a whirlwind romance complete with all-black ensembles, Wattpad fanfic-esque backstage band photos, Tim Burton Halloween costumes, and ā my God ā so many tongue touches. Please, make it stop.
Before we knew it, Travis and Kourtney got engaged on the romantic beaches of Santa Barbara. (And yes, they were both wearing all black. Shocker!)
Although Kourtneyās āemo phaseā drew inspiration for tons of memes and TikTok content, Iāll admit that it was refreshing to see someone as glam and āInsta baddieā as a Kardashian even acknowledge some of the things my little, former-emo-kid heart holds so near and dear: Burton movies, punk music, and men completely covered in tattoos.
But my cold, dead, black heart shrunk three-sizes too small last week when I saw a certain duo take on Knotts Berry Farm together. And no, Iām not talking about Noah Beck and Dixie DāAmelio.
Iām talking about Kim Kardashian andā¦ Peteā¦ Davidson?
Oh, and they were holding hands.
Take off your glasses, clean āem on your shirt, and read that sentence again. Because I said what I said.Ā
Following their *seemingly* friendly peck on Saturday Night Live, hearts everywhere broke on October 30 when photos surfaced of Kim holding hands mid-rollercoaster ride with Pete, a tattooed, unfiltered, stoner SNL cast member that has all of us former emo girlies remembering just how attractive tattoos and cigarettes can be.Ā
All of that brings me to this: when it comes to the Kardashians, thereās no such thing as coincidences.Ā
We all know the saying: āThe devil works hard, but Kris Jenner works harder.ā And with Kourtney engaged to an emo icon and Kim seemingly dating one of Gen Zās ārebellious kings,ā itās only a matter of time before all of the Kardashians start courting the tattooed, instrument-toting, random bad boys weāve modeled our Wattpad fanfics after for years.
Seeing all of the buzz that Kourtney and Travis got for their emo-kid romance, perhaps theĀ Kardashian PR team sees the reality TV icons taking on the world of all-black outfits and pop-punk as a lucrative career move. After all, emo is inā¦ apparently.
Maybe Iām cynical and I just want Pete Davidson for myself, or maybe Iām jaded that my once uncool emo phase has become inherently cool. Or maybe, just maybe, Iām at the forefront of the mediaās newest PR conspiracy theory.Ā
Besides, I just know Kim would thrive rocking a leather jacket, cutting some emo fringe, and covering herself in skeleton tattoos. And Kris? In sitting backstage at the My Chemical Romance revival? Can we get a petition to see this in real life?