There is a cultural phenomenon where the idea of being your own person is lost once you enter a relationship. It is a belief many of us have been taught from a young age. That you and your partner become one, effectively erasing your sense of self in the process. It is phrased as magical, unique and the epitome of love. It goes as deep as being conflated with sex. Sex is often described as the joining of two bodies, a fantastic special event that brings couples closer together, not only physically but mentally. The idea that you and your partner are so close that you effectively become one is a lovely romantic notion. This concept also affects your mental health and your sense of self, causing more significant issues. So much so that many people feel the need to break up with a partner when they are not doing well. The idea that you can work on yourself emotionally while also in a relationship seems counterproductive when we have been taught that you and your partner are interlinked. There is no self to work on, so in order to find yourself and work on yourself, a breakup is required. It makes it impossible to work on oneself because you have no idea who you are while in a relationship. Working on yourself is entirely possible in your relationship.
Relationships will have hard parts, and things will happen in life that may make you feel uneasy. Though your partner may support you and be there for you, ultimately, you will have to pull yourself up. The skill of learning to grow on your own and to work on yourself is necessary for any long-term relationship. Just as you should not be responsible for your partner’s emotional regulation, your partner should not be responsible for yours. The idea that you cannot work on yourself while in a relationship would be detrimental to a healthy relationship if you do not acknowledge that self-growth can be achieved while in a relationship.
Working on yourself can actually be beneficial while in a relationship. Dating someone may offer you support and stability, which is necessary for self-growth. Having a wide net of social support can be essential to healing. You do not need to do everything on your own, and you do not need to fix yourself in order to be in a relationship. The part of yourself that needs work can be separate from the part of yourself that wants to explore a relationship. You will be able to learn and experience new things while in a relationship which may, in turn, help you realize things you would like to work on within yourself. A good partner will support your growth, allowing you the space you need, while being there for your journey. If you feel like you need to completely fix yourself, that you are being unfair and that your partner does not deserve you, you should analyze the thoughts you are having and where they come from, as opposed to ending a relationship altogether.
There are some circumstances where you should break up with someone for your benefit, and I would like to make it clear that that is not what I am talking about. Sometimes people are bad for you and your mental health. In these cases, ending an abusive relationship will be beneficial. There may come the point when you decide to deal with the trauma the relationship is causing, and in this instance, you should not be in that relationship. But with the journey that lies ahead, you don’t need to isolate yourself to work on yourself. It is important to recognize that you can get into new relationships and that trauma may come back up, which you may have to deal with.
All in all, self-growth is not a linear process and black and white rules may not be helpful in your path to success. By deciding that the only way to grow is to be single, you do not fully realize what growth means. There is little correlation between being single and healing. It is entirely possible to grow while being in a relationship. It is probably best for you to learn how to focus on yourself while also focusing on a partner. It is a skill that will come in handy in the future and will help to strengthen your skills and interdependence.