Fall makes me nostalgic. It makes me miss my childhood, that Starbucks drink I finished five minutes ago, and look forward to all of the future trips to the pumpkin patch that I have yet to go on.
I step out of my dorm and I’m greeted with a crisp sixty-five degrees that causes me to pull my cardigan tight across my chest. It’s the type of temperature that makes me text my mom “I miss Disney World” because the cool breeze reminds me of early mornings in the parks. I pull out my Airpods to listen to Taylor Swift and embrace the wind that makes my eyes fill with water. I stick to my childhood roots and step on as many fallen leaves as I can, trying to find the crunchiest one. I head to Starbucks to order a grande Pumpkin Spice Latte before my 10AM class. This is what fall is about.
I’m stuck in the middle of the backseat of my dad’s truck with my older sisters on either side of me. I am in a bad mood because of the hour-long car ride ahead of us and neither of my siblings letting me rest my head on their shoulders to sleep the time away. My dad flips through the channels on the radio and lands on a Christmas station. It’s too soon for that. I end up falling asleep on one of my sisters anyway. The next thing I know my mom is saying, “Jaime, wake up” and we’re at the pumpkin patch. I spend the next few hours competing with my sisters for who can find the better pumpkin and inevitably losing, only to happily munch on pumpkin-flavored donuts and drink apple cider. I’m nine. Fall is full of moments like this one.
Fall feels like pulling out the old photo albums or watching the series finale of your favorite show. It’s an almost-cliché montage of memories. It’s coming home from the pumpkin patch to try and carve a pumpkin only to have my dad take over and do it for me. It’s sticking my hand into the pumpkin and coming out with a fist full of guts and picking out the seeds to save and plant later. It’s going out on Halloween night in my Superwoman costume, only to have my mom ruin it by making me wear a coat. I seem to forget all about my anger once that first candy bar hits the bottom of my pillowcase. Fall is pumpkin scented everything. It’s that one candle that burns year after year and it’s the wreath you dust off annually to hang on the front door. It is the culmination of the months behind you and the anticipation for the holidays before you.
Not everyone has good memories associated with falls of the past. But optimism feels characteristic of the season. I can’t wait to hang up fake spider webs and caution tape in my dorm room. I become giddy when I think about dressing my nieces up in their little costumes and taking them trick-or-treating. I love the idea of having my own house one day and earning a reputation for handing out full-sized candy bars on Halloween. I feel content when I imagine taking my own family to a pumpkin patch one day in the future. It’s hard to imagine where my life will take me in the years ahead, but somehow fall has the unique ability to show me exactly what I’m looking forward to through memories of my past.