My self-value
I like to think of myself as being a secure person. This past year I’ve tried to focus on being happy and surrounding myself with people who I know value my time as much as I do theirs.
I’ve learned how to not think about what I look like or if I’m being judged by others–as long as I feel confident in my decisions. Sometimes, this is easier said than done. It takes constant self-assurance and evaluation.
All in all, I know myself well. And I couldn’t be more grateful for my self-assurance now as I enter this fishbowl called college. However, this isn’t always the case.
An insecurity? No. Annoyance? Yes.
Measuring in at a whopping 5’11” you could say I’ve had my fair share of people taking a stab at impressing me with their absolutely hysterical and definitely never-heard-before tall girl jokes.
I’ve perfected the perfect combination of smiling and nodding as a response to these comments. It may seem like I don’t give them a second thought but, honestly, that is not the case. While I like to think of myself as not caring what others think about me, the concept of my height is always looming in the back of my mind. I wouldn’t call it an insecurity, as it was in middle school, when I was at least a foot taller than all the boys (we can thank puberty for that).
I would call it more of an annoyance. I’m not annoyed about being tall. I honestly think it is a blessing (minus the part of struggling to find long enough pants). I just don’t like how people assume they know what the life is like of a girl who measures in above the average male height. Especially the part where people feel the need to bring it up as an easy conversation starter. It normally makes me feel like people don’t care to get to know me on a deeper level than knowing if I’m a basketball player.
my height and College
I’ve been doing well at college, embracing my height. This is mostly because I am surrounded by a larger pool of people and naturally don’t stand out as much as I did in high school. However, the other night I experienced the rudest experience I have ever had regarding my giraffe stature. It wasn’t just an insensitive comment but an actual attack on my body.
I was at a party, you know the vibe. I was just dancing with my friends, having a fun time, minding my own business when a boy comes up to me and says that I am too tall to be at this party. It wasn’t related to any conversation that was being had, it was completely unnecessary. Also, considering I didn’t even know the person, it caused me to have a full-blown panic attack in the luxurious bathroom with my girlfriends. Not my finest moment.
The more I think about it, that experience would be the equivalent of me going up to him and saying “you’re too short to be at this party,” but I chose to be the bigger person and simply walk away.
How i feel now + Moral of the story
Don’t bring others down just because you are insecure and don’t comment on people’s bodies. Even if you may think it is phrased as a compliment, you never know what people are struggling with or what you may trigger. Even though I am a strong, self-assured person, those comments still bother me. It doesn’t change my self-value.