Dear Future Me,
It is currently 5:01 a.m. on Wednesday, September 29 and it has been a horrible week. Yes, week, even if it’s only Wednesday. It is dark outside and the wind is lightly whistling as it’s still not time that most are up, but you are. You spent the day switching between crying and sleeping, not knowing if it was because you actually miss home or if you just miss feeling like you have a life. It’s probably why you are up now, no energy in the day leading to all of it coming out at night. I can’t complain that much though, cleaning and listening to Back to December on loop is kind of comforting.
Six months seems so short, but feels so far away at the same time. There are some things that I still can’t grasp about that time frame. For one, you’ll be 20 when reading this again. How does that feel? I don’t mean on a legality level because none of those restrictions lift until 21, but just in a nostalgic type of way. Ten years ago you were excited about the small achievement of reaching double digits and within six months, you’ll have just started a new decade of your life. Is that weird to think about?
There’s so many questions I want to ask, but I’m nervous to know. How is school? Right now you’ve been avoiding even thinking about next semester because of how fast everything has been going. It’s confusing when you don’t even know what you want anymore. Honestly, passion for anything feels minimal and I have no idea how to get any excitement back. Do I get any back? Please say yes.
What have you started doing for yourself? Seriously, at this point I will be content if you simply just say you take time to read a book for pleasure for 20 minutes a day. Right now you sulk, that’s sad and unhealthy. I expect a full report of what has changed in this aspect of life, and I mean it Jones.
How’s mom? Does she still call everyday? Do you still have no idea what to say while on the phone, but also don’t want her to hang up? Those are some of the best moments of the day, so cherish them. Sometimes she doesn’t call or she hangs up early and you miss her. Is she still your entire phone log? Make sure that doesn’t change, it’s easier for speed dial.
What about him? How is he? Is he even still around? I’m kind of surprised he’s even made it five months. Are you ready yet? If no, stop being a baby and get ready. There’s no reason to not be close to it by now, at this point it is almost a year. Have you said those three words yet? I doubt it, you’re stubborn. You’re not fooling anyone with that heart you send instead of the actual word. It is cute, though. If there’s one thing that I hope you haven’t messed up…besides school, it’s this. Don’t throw it away, it’s different this time and you know it.
I don’t love you right now and it’s hard to imagine a time where I do love you. I think it’s time to change that and I hope this six month period is one filled with regrowth and love. I can’t wait to hear about it. You deserve to be happy.
XOXO
Arianna <3