In a generation that is so obsessed with love, it is astonishing how little we seem to actually understand the concept of love. This is because it is NOT love that we are obsessed with but the idea of it.
We are constantly fed a toxic and distorted version of love, rooted in fear instead of trust. The fear of commitment, the fear of abandonment and the fear of being alone. People long to be in relationships but don’t want to commit to only one person, and they want a connection but fear being left to such a high degree that they are unable to fully open their hearts. People desire to be loved so desperately that they settle for people that do not meet their standards, for the sake of being able to say that they are dating someone. All of these fears make it impossible for us to grow in a relationship, experience love in its truest form, and not get lost in superficial attraction and infatuation.
As the prevalence of “hookup culture” has increased and relationships tend to end at an accelerated pace, the concept of love has been lost and replaced with fascination and desire. Many people tend to get into relationships for the sole purpose of being in one, and as soon as things get rough or the “honeymoon stage” of the relationship ends, they leave. With the accessibility of dating apps and other resources, it is all too easy to find someone new and get caught up in the exhilarating high of infatuation that everyone craves. When people do this they are only cheating themselves because it is through struggles and hardships that couples grow closer and love is able to form. By skipping over this essential part, our generation is depriving themselves of the opportunity to form and experience genuine love. Instead we are setting ourselves up to be nothing but a heartbroken generation.
Another reason the word love is concerningly misunderstood is that unlike other languages, the English language only has one word to describe all of the types and stages of love. We use the word love as an all encompassing term to express our fondness for important people such as our families, friends, and significant others, but also as an expression of our enjoyment of things such as food and inanimate objects. The Greek language has four different words for the different types of love. “Eros” is for romantic and sexual love, “storge” is for familial love, “philia” is for friendship love, and “agape” is for God’s love. These separate words provide a sense of value with each one of them, and there is no room for misunderstanding because it is very clear what each is referring to.
The Arabic language is another example of this. They have separate words for the different stages of romantic love, which helps to prevent any confusion on where the relationship lies and what is meant when the word is said. A few of the terms they have are “al-hawa” which is used for initial attraction or a crush, “al-sabwa”which is for when you enjoy their company but are not ready for a label, “al-najwa” is for when love engulfs the heart to a point of feeling heartache, “al-wodd” is for when you are not only lovers but also best friends, “al-hoyam” is when you are madly in love, and “al-kholla” is when you believe that the person you love is “the one” or your soulmate.
In order to prevent ourselves from permanently being deemed the heartbroken generation, it is necessary that we begin to attempt to pursue love in only its truest form. Due to the fact that the English language only has one word for love, we should focus on bringing back its value by using it only in its proper form. In other words, where its meaning involves “giving yourself completely to another without hesitation, without question, without regret, and without second thought but with indescribable caring, passion, understanding, and selflessness.”