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The Friendless Hookup

What is the best way to deal with a hookup that you were never friends with first?

For the purpose of my answer, I am assuming that hookup means, “had sex.” If you don’t plan to see him again, try to figure out why it happened, if you wanted it to happen, if you’re happy that it did, then learn from it and move on. If you are going to see him regularly, discuss with him how it happened, why, what it means that it did and establish a mutual level of understanding. If you fail to do this, others might sense a lack of chemistry between the two of you and draw their own conclusions—which is how rumors spread. If you continue to see him, and hookup time and again, you may become “friends with benefits” or even a couple. The problem with FWB’s is that over time one or both parties may fall for the other and if those feelings are not reciprocated hurt feelings can ensue. If you were never friends in the first place, you had no history and can more easily move on. If you were friends first, you might not be any more and that is something you will have to process as best you can.

David Coleman is known nationwide as The Dating Doctor™ and “America’s Real-Life Hitch!” He has been honored thirteen times as The National Speaker of the Year— 10 times by Campus Activities Magazine and 3 times by The National Association for Campus Activities. He recently won Speaker Of The Year again for 2010! He is a highly sought after speaker, author, entertainer, radio and television personality.


David received his B.S. in Speech Pathology and Audiology ('83) and his Master of Arts in College Student Personnel ('85) from Bowling Green State University (BGSU). His book, Making Relationships Matter, has completed its second printing run, and his previous works, Date Smart! and 101 Great Dates are well respected and continue to impact lives worldwide. David has also contributed to five outstanding collaborative efforts, Leadership's Greatest Hits, Let Your Leadership Speak, BluePrints for Success, Why We Hover, and Keys to Success in College and Life. These publications are all filled with anecdotes, strategies and ideas to help expand one's relationships and potential. His compact disk, Prescriptions for Life and Relationships is a humorous, challenging and candid resource that examines the subtleties and complexities surrounding dating, relationships, romance and sex. David also had a story featured in the national bestseller, Chicken Soup for the College Soul.


David has been featured in such fine publications as Us Magazine, Glamour, Celebrity Living, Mademoiselle, Women's World, Cosmopolitan, The USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post and The New York Times. He has been featured on CNN as well as on all major television networks and on hundreds of radio stations nationwide including STAR 105.7 in Grand Rapids, Star 94 in Atlanta, MIX 105.1 in Orlando, KLITE 105.3 in Bakersfield, and "The Big One" 700 WLW, in Cincinnati, Ohio.


David has spoken to more than 2,000,000 people in all 50 states, Canada and Europe and another 20,000,000 through his appearances on radio, television, and in print, audience members at more than 2,500 college campuses, corporations, conferences, single's organizations, military installations, churches, and civic groups have experienced his energetic and entertaining programs. He has been a featured speaker for all branches of our Military Service, the Sprint Corporation, Merrill Lynch, The Kroger Co., Federated and Flo-Tork, Inc. as well as civic organizations such as MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers), Junior Achievement, Circle K International, and Mortar Board.


David received a National Service Citation from President George Bush, and has served as a spokesperson for Microsoft's Streets and Trips campaign , Abbott Labs Humira campaign, English Leather Cologne and Coca Cola's Fuze Black and Green Tea.