1. Don’t pretend you hate Valentine’s Day and spew some speech about not believing in a “commercialized” holiday—No one cares. This holiday isn’t about you.
2. Change out of your gym clothes and put on some clean jeans a button up. Your date will definitely appreciate the effort.
3. Don’t go to rite aid at the last minute and buy your girlfriend some tacky box of dove chocolates. She deserves classier calories.
4. Send your mom a valentine. She will probably cry and be more likely to fund your Coachella weekend.
5. If you tell your girlfriend you’re going to make her dinner…. Actually make her dinner. Costco freezer section items and ingredients stolen from the cafeteria not included please.
6. If you don’t know what to get your girlfriend, ASK HER BEST FRIEND/ SISTER/ ROOMMATE for help! The women closest to her will know what she wants and you will actually be spending your money on something she will like/want/use. P.S. EVER GIRL IS FRIENDS WITH TIFFANY.
7. Don’t wear gel in your hair.
8. If you’re not really into the whole sunset picnic on the beach/ chocolate fondue/ romantic drama marathon type day, that’s ok. You don’t need to be glued to your girl for 24 hours of sugar-coated love . But just because you want to wear basketball shorts and eat microwave nachos all day, doesn’t mean you have to be a lame valentine. Pick up a bottle of pink OPI nail polish and drop it off at your girl’s door with an appointment card for a manicure. She’ll get a nice treat and you get an hour of ESPN.
9. Don’t eat garlic or onions.
10. Valentine’s day calls for a real date, freebirds doesn’t count. At least venture out of IV into State Street.
11. If your girlfriend tells you she doesn’t want to do anything for Valentinetes day, she’s lying.
12. You know that cute girl that always sits next to you in lecture, keeps asking to make study guides together and texts you for homework help on easy assignments? Ask her to coffee after class, she hasn’t been doing her make-up for that 8am all quarter for nothing.
13. Get the decaying half-eaten footlong out of your mini fridge and make sure your dorm doesn’t smell like the dominoes you ordered last night that’s already been covered by a pile of laundry.
14. If you’re going to drink, splurge for alcohol from an actual bottle. Save the plastic handles for weekend pre-gaming.