Valentine’s day survival guide

“My closest relationship is with my Blackberry. Thank God it vibrates!” Complains the single, anti-Valentine’s Day character Kara, played by Jessica Biel, in last year’s cliché filled film Valentine’s Day. As exemplified by Kara, who holds an annual “I Hate Valentine’s Day Party,” people either love to hate Valentine’s Day or they love to love it. Even those who love it do so ironically in a self-aware way, recognizing that most people hate it.

Why are singletons required to hate Valentine’s Day? Because it promotes consumerism, waste, competition among couples and feelings of inadequacy in their love lives.  Of course, couples complain about Valentine’s Day for a variety of reasons but it’s worse if you’re single. Who wants to be reminded all day of their single status? Don’t even get me started on those who have recently broken up with someone, because to them Valentine’s Day is a mini-funeral.  

So where does this leave us?  On the St. Olaf campus, it leaves two polarized groups. One group – the majority – hating Valentine’s Day, with its overpriced candy and tasteless bragging.  The minority group sees it as an opportunity to reconnect with the people they love, whether this love is romantic or not. Here is my big beef with Valentine’s Day: Why can’t we all just get along?  I find disgusting couples as objectionable as others do and can’t stand when I see them exchanging looks while sitting side-by-side at the Caf.  However, the Valentine’s Day haters are even worse!  I don’t care if Hallmark created the holiday.  If you think you’re so original because you discovered the conspiracy theory, I have news for you, you aren’t!

Allow me to offer some rules that might let us all live happily on the St. Olaf campus during the sweetheart-filled month ahead:
 
1. It’s all about giving – Take the time to appreciate someone who is feeling down, left out, or someone who you don’t normally pay attention to. If you are feeling particularly upset about being alone on Valentine’s Day, remember there is always someone experiencing worse problems and reaching out to them might help you feel better! This doesn’t have to be charity or volunteer work. It could be calling your mom, sending your roommate flowers, or buying a coffee for that one acquaintance that seems sad in your 8 a.m.  Who knows?  You might make a new friend.
 
2. Send yourself flowers – Just kidding!  Kind of….  But do something nice for yourself!  It doesn’t have to be big and it shouldn’t be showy or fake, like the flowers idea. However, it is nice to sit down and appreciate yourself for a second.  They say that to be in a healthy relationship, you first should feel content and confident on your own.  So read a good book, order a new drink at the Cage, go to a fun club activity, or spend some time taking a nice long shower just because you want to!  It will pay off and make you feel better.
 
 3. Don’t indulge, at least not too much – Yes, holidays are about rest and relaxation; but that doesn’t give you an excuse to skip homework, the gym, or the salad bar.  If you are one of those people who complains about Valentine’s Day excess, honor sensible restraint in your own lifestyle.  Eat the piece of chocolate you were craving but don’t eat the whole bar and skip the gym.  You’ll feel better in the morning, even if it seems like a sacrifice at first.
 
4. Less is more – Do we need to see couples sharing spit and cooing loudly?  No.  Do we need to hear girls bragging about an amazing date or the chocolates and flowers they’ve received?  No.  Do we need to hear singletons argue loudly about the pointlessness of Valentine’s Day?  No, no, and no!  That goes for epic hookups as well. If I am more than three feet away from you, I don’t want to hear about it! 
 
5. Love is all you need? – Sometimes. Let’s not be silly.  I still would like more money, an awesome beach vacation, and A’s in all my classes. But while on the road to attaining these goals, love can still do a lot.  So in the spirit of my own article, I would like to end it. This article is turning into a rant, and what I really want is for Valentine’s Day to be the day without ranting. Go out there and love, love, love* (love is all you need).
 
 *Did you just start humming the Lynden David Hall version?